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TASTE OF SHAME

Thomas Shelby x Reader

Part four

Warnings: Dark!Thomas Shelby, manipulation, abuse, non-con/dub-con, gaslighting, violence

A/N: The calm before the storm, I'd say. Next chapter will get intense.

Another couple days Y/N spent mostly around her horse. Well, maybe not her horse anymore, but deep down she felt the same. Their bond irreplaceable and no amount of money would change that, she thought, staring into the deep eyes of a particularly tall stallion. His character was different than most horses she got to be around even back then, living on a farm. His dark eyes seemed to be eternally deep as he listened to each word spilling from her mouth. Leaning down to be on the same level as she held his chin gently.

It became their little routine, as she would come to stables before their training, sitting around and talking to him or simply caring for him in simple acts, feeding, cleaning or braiding his mane. It allowed her to keep remnants of the inner peace she once had, untouched.

He was impressive, incredibly impressive to the eyes of people who didn't know the horse from a foal. Calm demeanour, the awareness of space he was taking and something that Curly liked to call royal elegance.

Everyday they spent training, preparing him for races which were coming with big steps. Every small failure Y/N took personally, at the beginning causing her to doubt whether there was enough time.

Enough time to put in the hours of practice so that he wouldn't lose... Or disappoint Mr. Shelby, for that matter. Deep down Y/N was scared, and so she put all the effort she could possibly fit in the small frames of twenty four hours each day until she could finally breathe freely.

”He's fast.” Thomas Shelby stated from behind the gate, startling Y/N. Turning around, she spotted him by the entrance. The signature cigarette burning between his lips as his gaze assessed Inferno. His eyes were slightly narrowed, face lacking any solid expression as he inhaled the smoke, holding it in his lungs for a moment before exhaling while he began moving closer. ”...but fierce. A wild look in his eyes.”

Y/N glanced at the horse, hearing a huff coming from him almost as a response to the words aimed at him. She smiled lightly before facing Tommy once again. Her eyes met his, somehow fearlessly.

”He is good. Will win you big money, Mr. Shelby. I give you my word.” She responded, nodding along as he stepped closer. Y/N couldn't help but get a little defensive hearing his words. She knew the horse too well, and if Thomas didn't believe in his abilities, he wouldn't pay for him so much, right?

The corner of his lips twitched, as if he was about to smile. A small smirk appeared on his face, lifting an eyebrow at the tone of her voice. Exhaling smoke for the last time, he tossed the cigarette to the ground, stepping on it with his boot. Reaching for her face, he grasped her chin, tilting her head up so she wouldn't look away.

”Your word, eh?” He asked, almost taunting. Mockery in his eyes was one of the few emotions he let her see, shining through the icy colour of his irises. She was almost used to it by now. ”Am I to trust you now, Dove?” Her resolve crumbled visibly, her own eyes revealing everything going in her head, which pleased him as always. Even in such interactions she was completely defenseless.

Letting out a sharp breath, Y/N nodded along, biting her tongue before she would even think of saying something back. It wasn't a good idea. Holding her chin between his calloused fingers, Tommy felt the movement and subconsciously he knew exactly what she did. Smirking a little wider, he tilted his head to the side. The obedience in her was alluring, impossible to push away.

Leaning in closer, his eyes moved around her face. Slowly, he took his time, just like in anything and everything he ever did around her. Holding all the control he could afford to make her wait. Y/N felt her heartbeat rising, fear bouncing off of her ribcage at the close proximity he always chose over standing at a normal distance.

It must be one of his sick games, she thought, completely oblivious to the fact he just couldn't help it. The way she bent in every way he'd tell her to, the powerless melting into his power and whims made her almost irresistible. Almost.

His hands felt raw on her skin, the small contact of him firmly holding her chin made her breathe heavier. All the small reactions not going unnoticed under his watchful gaze.

The interaction lasted a couple moments, yet it felt like an eternity.

”What you're asking for comes with a risk.” His words were simple, yet they took a bit longer to register in her mind. Distracted by the way he looked at her. ”Risk you can't afford, so don't make me force you to pay for it, eh?”

Shivers ran down her spine as the vial threat hung in the air. Don't break my trust or you will regret it

Parting her lips for a second, she swallowed her dignity before responding.

”Yes, Mr. Shelby.”

The intense gaze broke, as he patted her cheek roughly with his fingers. Little smile stretching on his tense face.

”Good girl”

~~

”For once you could be specific, Tommy. Linda's already holding this against me.” Arthur mumbled, pulling a cigarette out of his pocket as he smoothed out his hair. ”...and we're still bloody waiting”

John was talking to Johnny Dogs as they all waited for a sign to get on the way to London. Unusually many of the Blinders stood by the Arrow House, four cars parked on a gravely yard as Thomas checked his watch.

”The least you could do is stop fucking complaining” He barked back towards his older brother, already fed up with hearing it. Thomas had enough things to worry about that day, Vendetta being one of the main worries. It was the exact reason why all of them were dressed in the exact same way, every single detail fitting. Brothers not to be recognized in the crowd. Another one of his worries was Y/N, whom he had to take with them, as it was one of the points in the contract he made with her father.

There was no way around it.

”Time's up boys, off you go” He said out loud, pulling his cap on as he quickly got up the stairs swinging the door open. ”Y/N!” His voice bounced off the walls.

”I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm here” She ran down, her cheeks flushed red as she finally managed to get fully ready. Usually it didn't take as much time, but she never attended such an event, and Ada told her to present well as to not bring Tommy shame.

...so she did her best. Dressed in one of the new dresses with her hair put up all pretty. Her look held all the intent, gracefully showing the elegant style while keeping most of her body hidden.

When his eyes landed on her, Thomas felt his fingertips buzzing with the need to grab her. It made him uneasy, the urges, coming and going so suddenly and out of control. Taking a deep breath, he steadied himself. The anger at her for being late suddenly forgotten.

”We don't have time to spare. Get in the car before I make you walk all the way to London.” He said, his voice coming out a bit less menacingly than he'd like.

Y/N nodded quickly, pulling her dark coat onto her body before rushing out the door into his car. Sitting on the passenger seat, she let out a sigh.

The sigh that made his eyes roll, as her scent filled out the car.

Fucking hell, he thought, starting the engine smoothly, not intending on talking to her any longer. They travelled in almost complete silence, occasionally broken with her voice when she'd asked a question.

~~

Getting to London took a bit longer than expected, which allowed the Blinders to gather in all the right places, following Tommy's plan exactly as they were told. Peaky caps sitting lowly on their face, covering most prominent features.

As soon as Tommy pulled up parking the car, Y/N reached to open the door, but before she managed to do so his hand grabbed on her thigh, keeping her firmly in place. Y/N glanced towards him with a question.

”You're going to stick to me the whole time we're there, you hear me? You'll place bets with John and Edward, then return to our seats. No looking around, no asking too many questions.” His hand cradled her skin as he spoke, making her lose her focus for a split second before she responded, holding the eye contact.

”Yes, Mr. Shelby”

A little sceptical for a moment, he stilled, looking for approval in her eyes that in fact she understood before letting out a sigh.

Trust, he thought.

”Good”

...and with that they got out. Speaking even less than usual he grasped her hand, pulling her towards the entrance. Holding her closely they moved up the stairs, passing by other guests before making it to the third level. Four blinders stood by the entrance, chit chatting, and three were by the betting booth. Another small crowd already climbing the stairs before they dispersed to their designated positions.

”Let's put out bets in, shall we?” Tommy said lightheartedly, glancing towards her with a small smirk and teasing look on his face she never saw before. It looked... Strange, but the coldness in his eyes made her realize he was putting on an act.

”Lead the way, Sir.” She responded, mirroring his tone with a shy smile. Despite not understanding what was exactly happening, she was happy to be included and to... Be on the receiving end of his pleasantries, even if they weren't real.

She decided to enjoy every moment of this event, as another won't be around again anytime soon. Not in her calendar, she thought, feeling strange with the strength he was holding her hand with, almost crushing her fingers.

Trying to get her mind off of that, she looked out onto the racetrack after placing the bets and getting to their seats. From that point everything was going smoothly, and Y/N give up on trying to understand the situation, Thomas' behaviour weird in ways other than usual, but she didn't pay attention anymore.

As the races began, Tommy whispered into her ear to not move from the seats at all, just wait for him to be back before he disappeared into the building behind them. Y/N nodded obediently, watching as Inferno shot out onto the rack with all the other horses. The distance was fairly long and the track slightly curving towards the left, making it difficult to see every detail from where she was seated.

Completely unaware of her doings, she rose from her seat, moving closer to the track. Her hands grasping the edge of the seat in front of her. With her eyes wide open she watched with anticipation as her black horse passed by a smaller one, making it to the second position.

Meter after meter they cut through the distance, making seconds feel like hours before finally, his head peaked to the front.

With a loud gasp she realized Inferno won, throwing her hands in the air with pure happiness. Her pink lips stretched into a wide smile as she turned around, realising Tommy didn't come back yet.

To her right she heard a loud chuckle before a tall figure came up closer, from the seats nearby. Man much taller than she was, moved slightly closer, leaning on the short wall separating two sections.

”Am I to understand that the bet was lucky?” He spoke up, his accent foreign to the ones she knew and heard before. His hair was dark and smile bright. He was a good looking man.

”For once” She responded, nodding lightly, and gesturing towards the piece of paper she held. ”Yours not so much?” Y/N asked, unsure of why he approached her, but she didn't want to appear rude.

Taking another step he was right next to her, showing his own paper to the young woman.

Maximus, was written, which turned out to be the horse who made it second to the finish line.

”Ah, I see.” Y/N said with a smile at the dramatic sigh he let out. He was maybe a little older than her, but not by much. A few years top. It was refreshing to talk to someone around her age. ”Well, maybe next time then?” She offered.

”Hopefully. Why Inferno? It's a debutant. Maximus won three times in a row.” The tone of his voice was lighthearted, carrying a hint of curiosity within.

Shrugging, Y/N quickly assessed whether she should, or shouldn't tell the truth. Eventually settling on.. a half true.

”His legs are longer than most horses on the rack. This breed is majestic, and the look in his eyes is trustworthy.” Her response was a bit held back, which hopefully he wouldn't notice.

Cocking an eyebrow, his lips stretched into a mocking smile. His demeanour visibly changing.

”And you noticed it from up here, is that right? Brilliant answer, Y/N.”

Y/N's lips parted as she took a step back once she heard him say her name. Her heart picked up on pace, thumping loudly in her chest as she realized something was wrong.

Suddenly a loud bang came from one of the chambers, chaos quickly taking over the audience as people heard another gunshot coming from inside of the building. The stranger moved quickly, grabbing her shoulder and pulling her towards him, but before Y/N managed to react she was pushed aside, in a different direction again. Stumbling back she looked up, her eyes widening and her face going pale as she realized it was Mr. Shelby who saved her from the strange man.

As he cut between the two of them, Thomas' fist immediately made contact with the stranger's face. He was shorter, but visibly more built, his strength overpowering the other man.

”Shelby” He straightened his back quickly with a grin, his teeth covered in blood as he reached into his holster but not quick enough. In a split second Tommy groaned after hearing it, ripped the cap off his head, using the sewed in blade as he cut across his face.

Y/N took another step back, scared to death as she looked around trying to find someone familiar. The scene in front of her just... Kept going, nobody stopped the Blinder from turning him into a mess, features not recognizable anymore, looking barely human.

As a sob ripped from her throat, Y/N couldn't look away anymore and only when someone else grabbed her arm, she realized it was Arthur.

”C'mere, it's time to go” He said impatiently, pushing her towards the entrance but she looked back at Tommy.

”What about him?” Her voice came out higher than usual, tears still streaming down her face.

Y/N didn't even know when and why she cried. The whole situation was so obscene, the confusion racing through her veins was incredibly overwhelming.

”He'll be fine, we need to leave. Quickly!” He commanded, and she didn't dare to argue. Rushing to the exit, she noticed John was waiting right there for them. Nodding to Arthur they shut the door behind them, running down the stairs.

Everything was happening so quickly, a few Blinders were injured, their suits marked with blood one way or another.

Her lungs were burning from the run, tears slowly drying off on her face. Looking at her hands, Y/N realized that some of the blood got on her skin, and she was marked just as much as other men around her. The wind picked up, blowing hard and cold as she turned around and noticed everyone getting in the car. Before she could ask them what she was supposed to do, a strong hand clamped down on her shoulder, turning her back and a strong body pressed her against the Bentley.

Thomas' face was covered in blood, he was breathing heavily. Unsure whether it was from the fight or maybe running, but he was visibly furious. Almost crushing her between him and the hard exterior of a vehicle, she mewled in pain before his hand wrapped around her throat.

His eyes were completely dark, face strained in fury like she never saw before. Immediately cutting her airflow off, he slammed her against the car a bit harder.

”I told you to not fucking move!” He growled loudly, still wet blood from his hand coating her skin. Pulling her by the throat, he got to her eye level. ”Are simple words too much for your bloody brain, eh?!” She was completely pale, crying again as she tried to shake her head but his hand was too strong. She couldn't move. Paralyzed from fear, it was completely visible in her eyes.

Groaning Thomas pulled her against him, his lips crashing into hers forcefully. Parting her lips and shoving his tongue inside, dominating her in the clear display of power. He tasted like.. blood, the taste alone was making her nauseous, but there was nothing she could do. Biting her lip harshly, he made her cry out before pulling away.

Quickly taking a step back, he opened the door, shoving her onto the passenger seat.

”You asked for my trust, and now you will pay the price.” She heard before he shut the door so hard, she let out a choked sob.

Getting in the car, he started the engine right away, wiping his face with the sleeve of his jacket.

Cry. There's nothing else you can do now

TASTE OF SHAME

Thomas Shelby x Reader

Part four

Warnings: Dark!Thomas Shelby, manipulation, abuse, non-con/dub-con, gaslighting, violence

A/N: The calm before the storm, I'd say. Next chapter will get intense.

Another couple days Y/N spent mostly around her horse. Well, maybe not her horse anymore, but deep down she felt the same. Their bond irreplaceable and no amount of money would change that, she thought, staring into the deep eyes of a particularly tall stallion. His character was different than most horses she got to be around even back then, living on a farm. His dark eyes seemed to be eternally deep as he listened to each word spilling from her mouth. Leaning down to be on the same level as she held his chin gently.

It became their little routine, as she would come to stables before their training, sitting around and talking to him or simply caring for him in simple acts, feeding, cleaning or braiding his mane. It allowed her to keep remnants of the inner peace she once had, untouched.

He was impressive, incredibly impressive to the eyes of people who didn't know the horse from a foal. Calm demeanour, the awareness of space he was taking and something that Curly liked to call royal elegance.

Everyday they spent training, preparing him for races which were coming with big steps. Every small failure Y/N took personally, at the beginning causing her to doubt whether there was enough time.

Enough time to put in the hours of practice so that he wouldn't lose... Or disappoint Mr. Shelby, for that matter. Deep down Y/N was scared, and so she put all the effort she could possibly fit in the small frames of twenty four hours each day until she could finally breathe freely.

”He's fast.” Thomas Shelby stated from behind the gate, startling Y/N. Turning around, she spotted him by the entrance. The signature cigarette burning between his lips as his gaze assessed Inferno. His eyes were slightly narrowed, face lacking any solid expression as he inhaled the smoke, holding it in his lungs for a moment before exhaling while he began moving closer. ”...but fierce. A wild look in his eyes.”

Y/N glanced at the horse, hearing a huff coming from him almost as a response to the words aimed at him. She smiled lightly before facing Tommy once again. Her eyes met his, somehow fearlessly.

”He is good. Will win you big money, Mr. Shelby. I give you my word.” She responded, nodding along as he stepped closer. Y/N couldn't help but get a little defensive hearing his words. She knew the horse too well, and if Thomas didn't believe in his abilities, he wouldn't pay for him so much, right?

The corner of his lips twitched, as if he was about to smile. A small smirk appeared on his face, lifting an eyebrow at the tone of her voice. Exhaling smoke for the last time, he tossed the cigarette to the ground, stepping on it with his boot. Reaching for her face, he grasped her chin, tilting her head up so she wouldn't look away.

”Your word, eh?” He asked, almost taunting. Mockery in his eyes was one of the few emotions he let her see, shining through the icy colour of his irises. She was almost used to it by now. ”Am I to trust you now, Dove?” Her resolve crumbled visibly, her own eyes revealing everything going in her head, which pleased him as always. Even in such interactions she was completely defenseless.

Letting out a sharp breath, Y/N nodded along, biting her tongue before she would even think of saying something back. It wasn't a good idea. Holding her chin between his calloused fingers, Tommy felt the movement and subconsciously he knew exactly what she did. Smirking a little wider, he tilted his head to the side. The obedience in her was alluring, impossible to push away.

Leaning in closer, his eyes moved around her face. Slowly, he took his time, just like in anything and everything he ever did around her. Holding all the control he could afford to make her wait. Y/N felt her heartbeat rising, fear bouncing off of her ribcage at the close proximity he always chose over standing at a normal distance.

It must be one of his sick games, she thought, completely oblivious to the fact he just couldn't help it. The way she bent in every way he'd tell her to, the powerless melting into his power and whims made her almost irresistible. Almost.

His hands felt raw on her skin, the small contact of him firmly holding her chin made her breathe heavier. All the small reactions not going unnoticed under his watchful gaze.

The interaction lasted a couple moments, yet it felt like an eternity.

”What you're asking for comes with a risk.” His words were simple, yet they took a bit longer to register in her mind. Distracted by the way he looked at her. ”Risk you can't afford, so don't make me force you to pay for it, eh?”

Shivers ran down her spine as the vial threat hung in the air. Don't break my trust or you will regret it

Parting her lips for a second, she swallowed her dignity before responding.

”Yes, Mr. Shelby.”

The intense gaze broke, as he patted her cheek roughly with his fingers. Little smile stretching on his tense face.

”Good girl”

~~

”For once you could be specific, Tommy. Linda's already holding this against me.” Arthur mumbled, pulling a cigarette out of his pocket as he smoothed out his hair. ”...and we're still bloody waiting”

John was talking to Johnny Dogs as they all waited for a sign to get on the way to London. Unusually many of the Blinders stood by the Arrow House, four cars parked on a gravely yard as Thomas checked his watch.

”The least you could do is stop fucking complaining” He barked back towards his older brother, already fed up with hearing it. Thomas had enough things to worry about that day, Vendetta being one of the main worries. It was the exact reason why all of them were dressed in the exact same way, every single detail fitting. Brothers not to be recognized in the crowd. Another one of his worries was Y/N, whom he had to take with them, as it was one of the points in the contract he made with her father.

There was no way around it.

”Time's up boys, off you go” He said out loud, pulling his cap on as he quickly got up the stairs swinging the door open. ”Y/N!” His voice bounced off the walls.

”I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm here” She ran down, her cheeks flushed red as she finally managed to get fully ready. Usually it didn't take as much time, but she never attended such an event, and Ada told her to present well as to not bring Tommy shame.

...so she did her best. Dressed in one of the new dresses with her hair put up all pretty. Her look held all the intent, gracefully showing the elegant style while keeping most of her body hidden.

When his eyes landed on her, Thomas felt his fingertips buzzing with the need to grab her. It made him uneasy, the urges, coming and going so suddenly and out of control. Taking a deep breath, he steadied himself. The anger at her for being late suddenly forgotten.

”We don't have time to spare. Get in the car before I make you walk all the way to London.” He said, his voice coming out a bit less menacingly than he'd like.

Y/N nodded quickly, pulling her dark coat onto her body before rushing out the door into his car. Sitting on the passenger seat, she let out a sigh.

The sigh that made his eyes roll, as her scent filled out the car.

Fucking hell, he thought, starting the engine smoothly, not intending on talking to her any longer. They travelled in almost complete silence, occasionally broken with her voice when she'd asked a question.

~~

Getting to London took a bit longer than expected, which allowed the Blinders to gather in all the right places, following Tommy's plan exactly as they were told. Peaky caps sitting lowly on their face, covering most prominent features.

As soon as Tommy pulled up parking the car, Y/N reached to open the door, but before she managed to do so his hand grabbed on her thigh, keeping her firmly in place. Y/N glanced towards him with a question.

”You're going to stick to me the whole time we're there, you hear me? You'll place bets with John and Edward, then return to our seats. No looking around, no asking too many questions.” His hand cradled her skin as he spoke, making her lose her focus for a split second before she responded, holding the eye contact.

”Yes, Mr. Shelby”

A little sceptical for a moment, he stilled, looking for approval in her eyes that in fact she understood before letting out a sigh.

Trust, he thought.

”Good”

...and with that they got out. Speaking even less than usual he grasped her hand, pulling her towards the entrance. Holding her closely they moved up the stairs, passing by other guests before making it to the third level. Four blinders stood by the entrance, chit chatting, and three were by the betting booth. Another small crowd already climbing the stairs before they dispersed to their designated positions.

”Let's put out bets in, shall we?” Tommy said lightheartedly, glancing towards her with a small smirk and teasing look on his face she never saw before. It looked... Strange, but the coldness in his eyes made her realize he was putting on an act.

”Lead the way, Sir.” She responded, mirroring his tone with a shy smile. Despite not understanding what was exactly happening, she was happy to be included and to... Be on the receiving end of his pleasantries, even if they weren't real.

She decided to enjoy every moment of this event, as another won't be around again anytime soon. Not in her calendar, she thought, feeling strange with the strength he was holding her hand with, almost crushing her fingers.

Trying to get her mind off of that, she looked out onto the racetrack after placing the bets and getting to their seats. From that point everything was going smoothly, and Y/N give up on trying to understand the situation, Thomas' behaviour weird in ways other than usual, but she didn't pay attention anymore.

As the races began, Tommy whispered into her ear to not move from the seats at all, just wait for him to be back before he disappeared into the building behind them. Y/N nodded obediently, watching as Inferno shot out onto the rack with all the other horses. The distance was fairly long and the track slightly curving towards the left, making it difficult to see every detail from where she was seated.

Completely unaware of her doings, she rose from her seat, moving closer to the track. Her hands grasping the edge of the seat in front of her. With her eyes wide open she watched with anticipation as her black horse passed by a smaller one, making it to the second position.

Meter after meter they cut through the distance, making seconds feel like hours before finally, his head peaked to the front.

With a loud gasp she realized Inferno won, throwing her hands in the air with pure happiness. Her pink lips stretched into a wide smile as she turned around, realising Tommy didn't come back yet.

To her right she heard a loud chuckle before a tall figure came up closer, from the seats nearby. Man much taller than she was, moved slightly closer, leaning on the short wall separating two sections.

”Am I to understand that the bet was lucky?” He spoke up, his accent foreign to the ones she knew and heard before. His hair was dark and smile bright. He was a good looking man.

”For once” She responded, nodding lightly, and gesturing towards the piece of paper she held. ”Yours not so much?” Y/N asked, unsure of why he approached her, but she didn't want to appear rude.

Taking another step he was right next to her, showing his own paper to the young woman.

Maximus, was written, which turned out to be the horse who made it second to the finish line.

”Ah, I see.” Y/N said with a smile at the dramatic sigh he let out. He was maybe a little older than her, but not by much. A few years top. It was refreshing to talk to someone around her age. ”Well, maybe next time then?” She offered.

”Hopefully. Why Inferno? It's a debutant. Maximus won three times in a row.” The tone of his voice was lighthearted, carrying a hint of curiosity within.

Shrugging, Y/N quickly assessed whether she should, or shouldn't tell the truth. Eventually settling on.. a half true.

”His legs are longer than most horses on the rack. This breed is majestic, and the look in his eyes is trustworthy.” Her response was a bit held back, which hopefully he wouldn't notice.

Cocking an eyebrow, his lips stretched into a mocking smile. His demeanour visibly changing.

”And you noticed it from up here, is that right? Brilliant answer, Y/N.”

Y/N's lips parted as she took a step back once she heard him say her name. Her heart picked up on pace, thumping loudly in her chest as she realized something was wrong.

Suddenly a loud bang came from one of the chambers, chaos quickly taking over the audience as people heard another gunshot coming from inside of the building. The stranger moved quickly, grabbing her shoulder and pulling her towards him, but before Y/N managed to react she was pushed aside, in a different direction again. Stumbling back she looked up, her eyes widening and her face going pale as she realized it was Mr. Shelby who saved her from the strange man.

As he cut between the two of them, Thomas' fist immediately made contact with the stranger's face. He was shorter, but visibly more built, his strength overpowering the other man.

”Shelby” He straightened his back quickly with a grin, his teeth covered in blood as he reached into his holster but not quick enough. In a split second Tommy groaned after hearing it, ripped the cap off his head, using the sewed in blade as he cut across his face.

Y/N took another step back, scared to death as she looked around trying to find someone familiar. The scene in front of her just... Kept going, nobody stopped the Blinder from turning him into a mess, features not recognizable anymore, looking barely human.

As a sob ripped from her throat, Y/N couldn't look away anymore and only when someone else grabbed her arm, she realized it was Arthur.

”C'mere, it's time to go” He said impatiently, pushing her towards the entrance but she looked back at Tommy.

”What about him?” Her voice came out higher than usual, tears still streaming down her face.

Y/N didn't even know when and why she cried. The whole situation was so obscene, the confusion racing through her veins was incredibly overwhelming.

”He'll be fine, we need to leave. Quickly!” He commanded, and she didn't dare to argue. Rushing to the exit, she noticed John was waiting right there for them. Nodding to Arthur they shut the door behind them, running down the stairs.

Everything was happening so quickly, a few Blinders were injured, their suits marked with blood one way or another.

Her lungs were burning from the run, tears slowly drying off on her face. Looking at her hands, Y/N realized that some of the blood got on her skin, and she was marked just as much as other men around her. The wind picked up, blowing hard and cold as she turned around and noticed everyone getting in the car. Before she could ask them what she was supposed to do, a strong hand clamped down on her shoulder, turning her back and a strong body pressed her against the Bentley.

Thomas' face was covered in blood, he was breathing heavily. Unsure whether it was from the fight or maybe running, but he was visibly furious. Almost crushing her between him and the hard exterior of a vehicle, she mewled in pain before his hand wrapped around her throat.

His eyes were completely dark, face strained in fury like she never saw before. Immediately cutting her airflow off, he slammed her against the car a bit harder.

”I told you to not fucking move!” He growled loudly, still wet blood from his hand coating her skin. Pulling her by the throat, he got to her eye level. ”Are simple words too much for your bloody brain, eh?!” She was completely pale, crying again as she tried to shake her head but his hand was too strong. She couldn't move. Paralyzed from fear, it was completely visible in her eyes.

Groaning Thomas pulled her against him, his lips crashing into hers forcefully. Parting her lips and shoving his tongue inside, dominating her in the clear display of power. He tasted like.. blood, the taste alone was making her nauseous, but there was nothing she could do. Biting her lip harshly, he made her cry out before pulling away.

Quickly taking a step back, he opened the door, shoving her onto the passenger seat.

”You asked for my trust, and now you will pay the price.” She heard before he shut the door so hard, she let out a choked sob.

Getting in the car, he started the engine right away, wiping his face with the sleeve of his jacket.

Cry. There's nothing else you can do now

TASTE OF SHAME

Thomas Shelby x Reader

Part four

Warnings: Dark!Thomas Shelby, manipulation, abuse, non-con/dub-con, gaslighting, violence

A/N: The calm before the storm, I'd say. Next chapter will get intense.

Another couple days Y/N spent mostly around her horse. Well, maybe not her horse anymore, but deep down she felt the same. Their bond irreplaceable and no amount of money would change that, she thought, staring into the deep eyes of a particularly tall stallion. His character was different than most horses she got to be around even back then, living on a farm. His dark eyes seemed to be eternally deep as he listened to each word spilling from her mouth. Leaning down to be on the same level as she held his chin gently.

It became their little routine, as she would come to stables before their training, sitting around and talking to him or simply caring for him in simple acts, feeding, cleaning or braiding his mane. It allowed her to keep remnants of the inner peace she once had, untouched.

He was impressive, incredibly impressive to the eyes of people who didn't know the horse from a foal. Calm demeanour, the awareness of space he was taking and something that Curly liked to call royal elegance.

Everyday they spent training, preparing him for races which were coming with big steps. Every small failure Y/N took personally, at the beginning causing her to doubt whether there was enough time.

Enough time to put in the hours of practice so that he wouldn't lose... Or disappoint Mr. Shelby, for that matter. Deep down Y/N was scared, and so she put all the effort she could possibly fit in the small frames of twenty four hours each day until she could finally breathe freely.

”He's fast.” Thomas Shelby stated from behind the gate, startling Y/N. Turning around, she spotted him by the entrance. The signature cigarette burning between his lips as his gaze assessed Inferno. His eyes were slightly narrowed, face lacking any solid expression as he inhaled the smoke, holding it in his lungs for a moment before exhaling while he began moving closer. ”...but fierce. A wild look in his eyes.”

Y/N glanced at the horse, hearing a huff coming from him almost as a response to the words aimed at him. She smiled lightly before facing Tommy once again. Her eyes met his, somehow fearlessly.

”He is good. Will win you big money, Mr. Shelby. I give you my word.” She responded, nodding along as he stepped closer. Y/N couldn't help but get a little defensive hearing his words. She knew the horse too well, and if Thomas didn't believe in his abilities, he wouldn't pay for him so much, right?

The corner of his lips twitched, as if he was about to smile. A small smirk appeared on his face, lifting an eyebrow at the tone of her voice. Exhaling smoke for the last time, he tossed the cigarette to the ground, stepping on it with his boot. Reaching for her face, he grasped her chin, tilting her head up so she wouldn't look away.

”Your word, eh?” He asked, almost taunting. Mockery in his eyes was one of the few emotions he let her see, shining through the icy colour of his irises. She was almost used to it by now. ”Am I to trust you now, Dove?” Her resolve crumbled visibly, her own eyes revealing everything going in her head, which pleased him as always. Even in such interactions she was completely defenseless.

Letting out a sharp breath, Y/N nodded along, biting her tongue before she would even think of saying something back. It wasn't a good idea. Holding her chin between his calloused fingers, Tommy felt the movement and subconsciously he knew exactly what she did. Smirking a little wider, he tilted his head to the side. The obedience in her was alluring, impossible to push away.

Leaning in closer, his eyes moved around her face. Slowly, he took his time, just like in anything and everything he ever did around her. Holding all the control he could afford to make her wait. Y/N felt her heartbeat rising, fear bouncing off of her ribcage at the close proximity he always chose over standing at a normal distance.

It must be one of his sick games, she thought, completely oblivious to the fact he just couldn't help it. The way she bent in every way he'd tell her to, the powerless melting into his power and whims made her almost irresistible. Almost.

His hands felt raw on her skin, the small contact of him firmly holding her chin made her breathe heavier. All the small reactions not going unnoticed under his watchful gaze.

The interaction lasted a couple moments, yet it felt like an eternity.

”What you're asking for comes with a risk.” His words were simple, yet they took a bit longer to register in her mind. Distracted by the way he looked at her. ”Risk you can't afford, so don't make me force you to pay for it, eh?”

Shivers ran down her spine as the vial threat hung in the air. Don't break my trust or you will regret it

Parting her lips for a second, she swallowed her dignity before responding.

”Yes, Mr. Shelby.”

The intense gaze broke, as he patted her cheek roughly with his fingers. Little smile stretching on his tense face.

”Good girl”

~~

”For once you could be specific, Tommy. Linda's already holding this against me.” Arthur mumbled, pulling a cigarette out of his pocket as he smoothed out his hair. ”...and we're still bloody waiting”

John was talking to Johnny Dogs as they all waited for a sign to get on the way to London. Unusually many of the Blinders stood by the Arrow House, four cars parked on a gravely yard as Thomas checked his watch.

”The least you could do is stop fucking complaining” He barked back towards his older brother, already fed up with hearing it. Thomas had enough things to worry about that day, Vendetta being one of the main worries. It was the exact reason why all of them were dressed in the exact same way, every single detail fitting. Brothers not to be recognized in the crowd. Another one of his worries was Y/N, whom he had to take with them, as it was one of the points in the contract he made with her father.

There was no way around it.

”Time's up boys, off you go” He said out loud, pulling his cap on as he quickly got up the stairs swinging the door open. ”Y/N!” His voice bounced off the walls.

”I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm here” She ran down, her cheeks flushed red as she finally managed to get fully ready. Usually it didn't take as much time, but she never attended such an event, and Ada told her to present well as to not bring Tommy shame.

...so she did her best. Dressed in one of the new dresses with her hair put up all pretty. Her look held all the intent, gracefully showing the elegant style while keeping most of her body hidden.

When his eyes landed on her, Thomas felt his fingertips buzzing with the need to grab her. It made him uneasy, the urges, coming and going so suddenly and out of control. Taking a deep breath, he steadied himself. The anger at her for being late suddenly forgotten.

”We don't have time to spare. Get in the car before I make you walk all the way to London.” He said, his voice coming out a bit less menacingly than he'd like.

Y/N nodded quickly, pulling her dark coat onto her body before rushing out the door into his car. Sitting on the passenger seat, she let out a sigh.

The sigh that made his eyes roll, as her scent filled out the car.

Fucking hell, he thought, starting the engine smoothly, not intending on talking to her any longer. They travelled in almost complete silence, occasionally broken with her voice when she'd asked a question.

~~

Getting to London took a bit longer than expected, which allowed the Blinders to gather in all the right places, following Tommy's plan exactly as they were told. Peaky caps sitting lowly on their face, covering most prominent features.

As soon as Tommy pulled up parking the car, Y/N reached to open the door, but before she managed to do so his hand grabbed on her thigh, keeping her firmly in place. Y/N glanced towards him with a question.

”You're going to stick to me the whole time we're there, you hear me? You'll place bets with John and Edward, then return to our seats. No looking around, no asking too many questions.” His hand cradled her skin as he spoke, making her lose her focus for a split second before she responded, holding the eye contact.

”Yes, Mr. Shelby”

A little sceptical for a moment, he stilled, looking for approval in her eyes that in fact she understood before letting out a sigh.

Trust, he thought.

”Good”

...and with that they got out. Speaking even less than usual he grasped her hand, pulling her towards the entrance. Holding her closely they moved up the stairs, passing by other guests before making it to the third level. Four blinders stood by the entrance, chit chatting, and three were by the betting booth. Another small crowd already climbing the stairs before they dispersed to their designated positions.

”Let's put out bets in, shall we?” Tommy said lightheartedly, glancing towards her with a small smirk and teasing look on his face she never saw before. It looked... Strange, but the coldness in his eyes made her realize he was putting on an act.

”Lead the way, Sir.” She responded, mirroring his tone with a shy smile. Despite not understanding what was exactly happening, she was happy to be included and to... Be on the receiving end of his pleasantries, even if they weren't real.

She decided to enjoy every moment of this event, as another won't be around again anytime soon. Not in her calendar, she thought, feeling strange with the strength he was holding her hand with, almost crushing her fingers.

Trying to get her mind off of that, she looked out onto the racetrack after placing the bets and getting to their seats. From that point everything was going smoothly, and Y/N give up on trying to understand the situation, Thomas' behaviour weird in ways other than usual, but she didn't pay attention anymore.

As the races began, Tommy whispered into her ear to not move from the seats at all, just wait for him to be back before he disappeared into the building behind them. Y/N nodded obediently, watching as Inferno shot out onto the rack with all the other horses. The distance was fairly long and the track slightly curving towards the left, making it difficult to see every detail from where she was seated.

Completely unaware of her doings, she rose from her seat, moving closer to the track. Her hands grasping the edge of the seat in front of her. With her eyes wide open she watched with anticipation as her black horse passed by a smaller one, making it to the second position.

Meter after meter they cut through the distance, making seconds feel like hours before finally, his head peaked to the front.

With a loud gasp she realized Inferno won, throwing her hands in the air with pure happiness. Her pink lips stretched into a wide smile as she turned around, realising Tommy didn't come back yet.

To her right she heard a loud chuckle before a tall figure came up closer, from the seats nearby. Man much taller than she was, moved slightly closer, leaning on the short wall separating two sections.

”Am I to understand that the bet was lucky?” He spoke up, his accent foreign to the ones she knew and heard before. His hair was dark and smile bright. He was a good looking man.

”For once” She responded, nodding lightly, and gesturing towards the piece of paper she held. ”Yours not so much?” Y/N asked, unsure of why he approached her, but she didn't want to appear rude.

Taking another step he was right next to her, showing his own paper to the young woman.

Maximus, was written, which turned out to be the horse who made it second to the finish line.

”Ah, I see.” Y/N said with a smile at the dramatic sigh he let out. He was maybe a little older than her, but not by much. A few years top. It was refreshing to talk to someone around her age. ”Well, maybe next time then?” She offered.

”Hopefully. Why Inferno? It's a debutant. Maximus won three times in a row.” The tone of his voice was lighthearted, carrying a hint of curiosity within.

Shrugging, Y/N quickly assessed whether she should, or shouldn't tell the truth. Eventually settling on.. a half true.

”His legs are longer than most horses on the rack. This breed is majestic, and the look in his eyes is trustworthy.” Her response was a bit held back, which hopefully he wouldn't notice.

Cocking an eyebrow, his lips stretched into a mocking smile. His demeanour visibly changing.

”And you noticed it from up here, is that right? Brilliant answer, Y/N.”

Y/N's lips parted as she took a step back once she heard him say her name. Her heart picked up on pace, thumping loudly in her chest as she realized something was wrong.

Suddenly a loud bang came from one of the chambers, chaos quickly taking over the audience as people heard another gunshot coming from inside of the building. The stranger moved quickly, grabbing her shoulder and pulling her towards him, but before Y/N managed to react she was pushed aside, in a different direction again. Stumbling back she looked up, her eyes widening and her face going pale as she realized it was Mr. Shelby who saved her from the strange man.

As he cut between the two of them, Thomas' fist immediately made contact with the stranger's face. He was shorter, but visibly more built, his strength overpowering the other man.

”Shelby” He straightened his back quickly with a grin, his teeth covered in blood as he reached into his holster but not quick enough. In a split second Tommy groaned after hearing it, ripped the cap off his head, using the sewed in blade as he cut across his face.

Y/N took another step back, scared to death as she looked around trying to find someone familiar. The scene in front of her just... Kept going, nobody stopped the Blinder from turning him into a mess, features not recognizable anymore, looking barely human.

As a sob ripped from her throat, Y/N couldn't look away anymore and only when someone else grabbed her arm, she realized it was Arthur.

”C'mere, it's time to go” He said impatiently, pushing her towards the entrance but she looked back at Tommy.

”What about him?” Her voice came out higher than usual, tears still streaming down her face.

Y/N didn't even know when and why she cried. The whole situation was so obscene, the confusion racing through her veins was incredibly overwhelming.

”He'll be fine, we need to leave. Quickly!” He commanded, and she didn't dare to argue. Rushing to the exit, she noticed John was waiting right there for them. Nodding to Arthur they shut the door behind them, running down the stairs.

Everything was happening so quickly, a few Blinders were injured, their suits marked with blood one way or another.

Her lungs were burning from the run, tears slowly drying off on her face. Looking at her hands, Y/N realized that some of the blood got on her skin, and she was marked just as much as other men around her. The wind picked up, blowing hard and cold as she turned around and noticed everyone getting in the car. Before she could ask them what she was supposed to do, a strong hand clamped down on her shoulder, turning her back and a strong body pressed her against the Bentley.

Thomas' face was covered in blood, he was breathing heavily. Unsure whether it was from the fight or maybe running, but he was visibly furious. Almost crushing her between him and the hard exterior of a vehicle, she mewled in pain before his hand wrapped around her throat.

His eyes were completely dark, face strained in fury like she never saw before. Immediately cutting her airflow off, he slammed her against the car a bit harder.

”I told you to not fucking move!” He growled loudly, still wet blood from his hand coating her skin. Pulling her by the throat, he got to her eye level. ”Are simple words too much for your bloody brain, eh?!” She was completely pale, crying again as she tried to shake her head but his hand was too strong. She couldn't move. Paralyzed from fear, it was completely visible in her eyes.

Groaning Thomas pulled her against him, his lips crashing into hers forcefully. Parting her lips and shoving his tongue inside, dominating her in the clear display of power. He tasted like.. blood, the taste alone was making her nauseous, but there was nothing she could do. Biting her lip harshly, he made her cry out before pulling away.

Quickly taking a step back, he opened the door, shoving her onto the passenger seat.

”You asked for my trust, and now you will pay the price.” She heard before he shut the door so hard, she let out a choked sob.

Getting in the car, he started the engine right away, wiping his face with the sleeve of his jacket.

Cry. There's nothing else you can do now

Next part coming in about two hours.

Let me know what you all think!

TASTE OF SHAME

Thomas Shelby x Reader

Part three

Warnings: Dark!Thomas Shelby, manipulation, abuse, non-con/dub-con, gaslighting, violence

A/N: Sorry it took so long. I'm absolutely the worst. Another part coming in shortly

A/N2: COMMENT AND REBLOG PLEASE!

Y/N woke up feeling different than usual. The deep sense of looking forward to something was exciting. Was.. new. Y/N knew it was perhaps one of Tommy's games and not a gesture of kindness in any way, but the idea of going shopping with Ada was nevertheless exciting.

She woke up early, got appropriately dressed, and secretly hoped she wouldn't see him this day at all. It was supposed to be about her. Just today.

Only a bit before eight she went downstairs, slowly looking around to find out whether Mr. Shelby was still home or not. The Arrow house was awfully quiet, like always when Charlie was still sleeping. He wasn't a loud child, but his precious giggles were warming up the overall cold and soulless building enough to breathe some life into it. He was making it sufferable to live in.

Y/N was quiet, mindful not to wake him up as she smiled at the staff, nodding kindly while passing by. Hearing voices from the living room, she made her way through the doorways only to see Ada along with her husband, Freddie.

”Good morning, Y/N” The older woman said with a smile as soon as she saw her. The questioning glance followed after the greeting which made her chuckle. Before she could say something, her man spoke up himself.

”He would never let the two of you go on your own. It was either me or John and Arthur, so trust me, Lady. It's a better choice as it is!” Freddie spoke with an amusing drama and thick Brummy accent, making his wife swat him in the shoulder jokingly.

”He's not wrong” She admitted, sighing, and glancing sideways at her husband.

Y/N nodded lightly, smiling at the genuine contact between the two of them. It was refreshing and.. comforting, to see a glimpse of real love in the hollow walls of the Arrow House.

”It's okay. I don't mind at all” She reassured, gratefully. Her cheeks were rosy with excitement. ”I really appreciate the two of you taking me to the city. It's been... A while.”

Ada winked at Y/N before coming up closer and grasping her hands.

”Lovely then. I'd never say no to shopping with one of the ladies! It's the best time. Especially that we have a set of hands to carry our bags, indeed!”

They chuckled lightheartedly, walking to the corridor to put on their jackets along with the rest of proper clothing. Luckily, the day was nice enough to not need an umbrella.

”Let's get to it then” Y/N said as Freddie opened the door, gesturing for them to go first. Leaving the building, Y/N managed to spare one last glance towards the black, wooden door barely visible from the doorway. Mr. Shelby's office.

~~

The day was going well. Genuinely, for the first time in a long time she could honestly say it. Laughing out the tension which has been slowly gathering on her mind felt wonderful and the company of Ada and Freddie just reminded her how much she missed the careless giggles and fast heartbeat she used to feel back then.

Back when she wasn't someone's belonging. A selfish whim.

Buying all the gear was fun, trying it on and posing even more. Especially once they were done, and Ada suggested buying more clothes.

”We shouldn't,” Y/N said quietly, grabbing Ada's forearm lightly. The older woman rolled her eyes, narrowing them.

”Come on, Y/N. We're spending his money. The least he can do is pay for us!” She let out a laugh which held the mischievous hint, one she shared with all of their brothers. No matter how similar or different Shelby siblings were, they all had it.

She thought for a moment, feeling the unpleasant worry again. Her feelings were raw and visible in her eyes, fully on display as always.

”I don't know,” She said, quietly, stopping in her tracks. Ada picked up on the way her voice broke just a little bit. Moving closer she grasped her shoulders.

”I mean it. Plus, he literally GAVE me money to pay for our stuff.” She was convinced. ”Tommy is my brother, Y/N. He knows me well enough to know better than assuming I'd buy just the necessities.” Y/N shifted uncomfortably, searching in her gaze for the truthfulness to sooth her own anxiety. Looking in Ada's blood irises, she found it. But she wasn't sure just yet. ”...and Thomas loves everything about horses ever since he was a little boy. He's well aware of how much the gear would cost, honey. Yet he gave us way more.” This time her voice carried less humour, wanting to give her the comfort she needed along with reassurance.

Finally, Y/N nodded slowly, looking around and noticing that Freddie gave them some space to talk, stepping aside to smoke a cigarette yet paying attention enough to keep them safe.

Her gaze danced along the shops with bright and bold letters above the entrances, designed to encourage wealthy women to come in and spend their money. Eventually she met her friend's blue eyes again.

”Okay” She agreed, letting out a chuckle as Ada clapped happily before grabbing her hand and pulling them towards the luxury shop.

”Here we come!” She squealed and Freddie just shook his head with amusement, following them closely.

It took about half an hour to get her going. At first it was the Shelby sister who twirled between the alleys in the fairly big shop, touching and gasping over the beautiful creations. All kinds of materials, hundreds of breathtaking colours with even more breathtaking cash tags attached to them made Y/N feel uneasy, but with time... Ada's enthusiasm infected her too.

So they both giggled like young girls, trying dresses on, making funny gestures and blushing furiously as they saw themselves in the big mirror.  So unused to such a luxury, Y/N's eyes shone brightly when she saw the girl in her own reflection. So different from the one she used to see a couple long months ago.

”We're absolutely getting this one,” Ada said suddenly, ripping her out of the train of thoughts. Slowly gazing over the creation, Y/N let out a sigh, picking on the cuticles of her fingers. Looking down she swayed lightly, biting her lower lip, but before she managed to speak up, Freddie joined his wife.

”I must agree,” He said, keeping his expression serious before Ada elbowed him in the side lightly. ”You look like a real high class lady now,” He added, less formally with a small smirk, grasping Ada's hand.

Y/N blushed, so unused to any kind of male attention.

”Thank you. I hope he won't be mad.” The other part of the sentence was said quieter, almost to herself, but unfortunately all of them heard.

Plastering a fake smile onto her lips, she went back to change before they checked out, and got on the way as it was already fairly late. Clouds thinned one the sky, letting everyone see the glimpses of sunset kissing the horizon in a manner so dreamy, Y/N couldn’t help the little smile on her lips as she watched the whole scene through the window. Shopping took a bit longer than expected, as Ada planned out the whole day, making them visit all the ladies' favourites in the city centre. After coffee and sweet souvenirs from the local bakery, they took a walk around the better part of Birmingham before heading back. Around fifteen minutes it took, before Freddie was parking the car on the gravelly driveway. Sighing, Y/N looked down at her hands, knowing the great day was pretty much over now that she was here. Slowly, she moved to get out of the car, grabbing a few of the bags as Ada and her husband did the same. 

The Shelby sister noticed the shift in the air as she moved closer to Y/N rubbing her shoulder with a half smile.

“It was a wonderful day, wasn’t it? We need to do it again soon.” She said, before dramatically lowering her tone. “Next time definitely just us, without any of them,” She gestured towards Freddie with a chuckle, taking the edge off a bit as the tension loosened.

Y/N nodded, agreeing immediately as she loved the idea of having a way out every now and then. Wordlessly they walked up the stairs, greeting one of the maids after making the entrance. She took Y/N’s coat, hanging it for her once she realized Mr. and Mrs. Thorne weren’t staying. 

“Once again, thank you for the outing. I’m looking forward to the next time,” The younger woman said with a genuine honesty in her voice, revealing how much it actually meant to her.

“Anytime,” Freddie responded, winking as he grasped Ada’s hand once she hugged Y/N.

“Of course.” She added, turning around as they started walking away before stopping once again, “Oh, and tell Tommy you’re home already, will you?” And with that, they were gone. 

Y/N considered seeking out Tommy right then, but she was tired from the outing and wanted to change into a more comfortable dress to lounge at home. Once in her room, she was increasingly tempted by her soft inviting bed. As soon as she settled in her soft sheets all her new things still in the shopping bags became distant memories, just like the thought of making her way to Mr. Shelby’s office. Exhaustion overtook her tired mind and before she knew it, she fell asleep. 

Hours passed, and on the other side of the house, Thomas was sitting by his desk. A half empty glass of whiskey stood to his left, as he slowly sipped on it with no rush. He lost count of all the paperwork he’d done today and the end was still nowhere to be seen. Taking off his glasses, he rubbed his eyes which became tired from all the reading and writing. 

Suddenly the silence of the room got interrupted by quiet footsteps right by the door. Tommy glanced at the clock, realizing how late it already was. Without knocking the door knob turned as the wooden door gave way to a familiar silhouette. 

Y/N rubbed her eyes, as she walked in. Her feet bare against the cold floor which wasn’t too pleasant, yet useful in a way to keep her awake. 

He watched wordlessly, after putting his glasses back on. As she slowly moved from the doorway towards his desk, eventually slumping into the armchair. She avoided his eyes, feeling guilty with the unintentional disobedience.

So the silence stretched into longer seconds as she picked on the hem of her dress. 

“Had fun?” His voice cut the air eventually, seeing how she struggled with finding anything to say. It was hoarse from the lack of talking for many hours, even lower than usual which she found intimidating.

But on the other hand, was there anything about him which wasn’t intimidating to her? The answer was obvious.

“I’m sorry I didn't come right away. We were late, and.. And I was tired. Before I realized it, I was sleeping.” She said quieter, feeling as she was walking on thin ice that might break at any given moment, pulling her into the freezing, cold water. The stillness that never ceased to surround him was terrifying at times. To her, Thomas Shelby was a complete mystery. His way of carrying himself reminded her of a volcano, so still and quiet just to blow up with a never ending stream of force. So the silence was… chaos really. “I’m sorry, Mr. Shelby”

Her voice, so quiet and submissive, danced around his mind. Mixing with the whiskey he drank, twisting and moving in different directions and causing the weird stirring he felt. Something that started becoming familiar, dangerously enough. His lips stretched into a small grimace, not quite enough to become a proper smile. Another thing that made him, him. All the small things she learned to become aware of, cautious and deliberate while slowly walking between the mines in his head. The boundaries that were constantly in motion for any kind of comfort, making it impossible to learn their placement. So she walked through the dark.

“I asked if you had fun, Dove,” 

His voice came out soft, at least softer than expected which almost made her gasp in a way. Her eyes flickered up, meeting his cold gaze. His eyes never seemed to lose the ice, but every now and then the blizzard seemed more gentle. She looked at him for a moment, her eyes wide, moving around his features.

“Yes, it was a.. A great day.”

He leaned forward, moving a bit closer with a sigh. 

“It makes me sad that you don’t listen, Dove.” He started off, making her feel bad. “But I'm willing to forgive you, yeah? You didn’t mean to be bad after all.” His voice was soothing, smooth like butter, to which she nodded eagerly, also leaning forward, subconsciously wanting to please him.

“Yes, I didn’t mean to. I’m sorry,”

The corner of his mouth twitched again.

“I know you are,” He sighed, letting his gaze drop onto her body. Slowly moving lower till the desk blocked his view on the rest. “You will start coming to my office again. Spending time with Mr. Shelby,” The words would suggest it was a suggestion, but his voice absolutely proved to her it wasn’t one. He told her what would be happening from now on, and she had to listen. Y/N remained quiet for a bit before clearing her throat.

“Okay” She mumbled in her typical manner. His gaze was making her feel almost naked despite the appropriate clothing she wore. Instinctively she covered herself a bit more, almost making him groan.

The little things she was doing. The pink blush dusting her cheeks as she squeezed her thighs together, along with the innocent body language caused the familiar stirring in his core again. Thomas sighed, feeling as his manhood grew in his briefs and skin became hot. Breathing a little deeper, he leaned back. 

Tension in the room thickened as the shame coated her mind at the way he looked at her. 

Getting up abruptly, she moved behind the armchair.

“I will.. Go to sleep. I’ll come to your office tomorrow, I promise.” Y/N stuttered out as she started walking back towards the door. Thomas tilted his head up, watching as her hips swayed as she walked. Letting out a deep breath he nodded, tutting.

“Y/N” He stopped her in a raspy voice, but she didn’t turn around to meet his gaze. “Don’t forget to take your bags from the living room,” Thomas added, picking up the still lit cigarette, as he threw it into the fireplace. She just nodded, twisting the doorknob as she left.

Thomas stared at the dark wood of the door, as his fingers wrapped around the soft material in his pocket. Soft, pink lace.

He could say a lot about Y/N, but he had to admit she had a good taste in the lingerie she bought. 

@mrsnms @randomcreator-09 @omgsuperstarg @hatethis29 @usaguisenpaisblog @priyajoyy @vanessyyyu @hottestgirlintheworld @iilovedonnatartt @hagarsays

Thank y'all so much for 1K notes on this goldy! I appreciate every single one of y'all, and hopefully my future work will be as pleasing to read! 😎✨

JUST ANOTHER OF YOUR MISTAKES

Thomas Shelby x Reader

Request made by @justsumtuffstuff: Could you do a tommy shelby imagine where you secretly have his kid but don’t tell him until one day aunt polly sees you and is like “holy shit” but that’s not the surprise, the surprise is you have twins. Just a lot of angst and fluff pretty please? ((:

This fic will have two parts!

Warnings: angst, swearing, violence, grieving, a lot of pain, eventual fluff, smut

A/N: It's a.. heavy fic, so beware. Interact for more

PART ONE PART TWO PART THREE

~~

The land of Birmingham seemed to never change, not one bit. Ever since the first people settled there, the sky hung over them as if by force, never clear enough to see prospects for the future. Robbing the poor kids of dreams, of the loud thumping in their hearts caused by excitement for the good that never came.

It would seem that God has lost his way to Birmingham, not to mention Small Heath. Dirt, smoke and silence that rang too loud when working men would finish their shifts in factories seeking peace in their homes. After all, the human brain can get used to everything.

What was the difference between going to sleep hungry every night, and the relentless churning in the depths of her stomach that Y/N felt? Pain that never let go, waking up along her side like a loyal husband, never ceasing to accompany her throughout the day. Never loosening the hold on her heart.

Oh, how cruel the fate can be, Y/N thought, looking at the white ceiling of her bedroom. One she slept in for many nights too long, carrying the weight of the curse on her shoulders.

Because she was cursed, that one she was sure. Seeing the man she loved more than anything else in the world, losing himself in the grief after another woman.

Because that was the woman whose name Y/N dared not speak or even think. That's who she was, another woman. Embodiment of pain and betrayal of so many promises, taking away the beautiful, blue gaze Y/N yearned for so badly.

God must have been so cruel, putting her through the uncertainty of ever seeing him again throughout the war, and then taking him away.

Taking him away from Y/N, and letting her watch the process. Letting her see the distance growing, the dilated pupils in his eyes after each doze of opium, fruitlessly trying to numb the pain he carried.

Y/N couldn't help but wake up everyday, wondering how different his grief would be if it was her who died. Would he cry? Would he push the other woman away, like he did her? Sometimes the pain felt like too much to handle, but Y/N would never try to pull the trigger. Subconsciously feeling the weight of shame in her chest if she'd ever somehow found out she was right. That he wouldn't care.

So she lived, losing pieces of her heart day by day, warming his bed whenever he saw it convenient.

Until that one day came, that was. Hearing the... Scary, oh so scary news from her doctor she visited in secret. Putting both of her hands on her still flat stomach, she didn't feel anything physically. Yet it was enough to find the strength, buried so deep in her heart.

The love she felt for her unborn children outweighed the love for him.

The tension in Arrow house felt heavier than usual, as Y/N dragged her heavy suitcase down the stairs before slowly making her way to his office. The pain, longing in her heart slowing her down, extending the seconds into forever.

Y/N took a deep breath as her hand pressed down on the metal handle, the loud click echoing throughout the mostly empty room. Wordlessly she slipped inside, walking up to his desk quietly, letting out a shaky breath when she stopped mere inches away from the wooden furniture. His eyes didn't move from the documents he was reading, an empty gaze fixed on black letters despite knowing she was there. Y/N waited for a second, giving him a chance to look at her. Hoping he would.

But he didn't.

”I'm leaving” she said, loud enough to be heard. Silence followed her words, loud like never before as her heart squeezed in anticipation, silently begging him to stop her. To say something. Several moments passed before he finally did, making her heart stop for a mere second.

”Safe travels, Y/N Y/L/N” He responded in a cold, husky voice and for a moment, Y/N wondered who he was, wearing his face but sounding so different.

But the dust settled, just like the weight of his words as soon as she closed the door behind her back for what she thought would be the last time.

~~

Polly's eyes cut through his skin like a blade, her gaze never changing after that one feral day. The look of contempt and disgrace not even a bit different than one she gave him finding out what happened, back then.

”I was hoping you wouldn't be so stupid” She hissed, leaning forward, reaching for a cigarette with a shaky hand. Her eyes were teary, as she inhaled the smoke. ”When you were younger I saw your mother in your eyes. Now, they're full of greed and foolishness. Just like your father's” She spat out with contempt, raising from the chair. Quickly walking up to his own, she kneeled down for a moment, to meet his gaze.

One so empty, that gave her goosebumps.

”I will never forgive you, and... Neither will you.” She whispered. ”But you will have to live with the choice you made.”

Her words echoed loudly in his head several minutes after Polly left... And they never stopped ringing now, thirty eight months later. Thomas counted, every morning to be sure. After sobering up it was difficult to tell days apart. He rarely slept, fearful of the dreams he had at first.

He saw her, she was so close and yet no matter how fast Tommy ran, he couldn't reach her. Out of his reach no matter how hard he screamed or cried. Looking at him with the burning tears he caused.

It took him three months to sober up, give up on opium and... Feel. Thomas wasn't ready for the hellish pain that dawned on him once the drug wore off. The terrifying longing that dawned on him when he felt the remnants of her perfume on his pillow. The lack of relief he hoped for so badly, throwing away every single Grace's belonging he held onto previously, burning the photos and destroying the items, but it never came.

As time stretched, it became more intense. Thomas carried the pain and guilt wherever he went, finding the smallest bit of relief only in his office, searching for Y/N in every piece of England day by day.

Replaying the ways in which he treated her, internally setting himself on fire and forcing himself to feel every bit of it. Because that's what he deserved, to feel and carry the cross he created with his own hands.

Oh how beautiful the pain was, as he'd lean back in his armchair, closing his eyes and remembering her gaze. Her scent and her laugh, echoing so lively in his mind.

...but none of it worked, no matter how many people searched. How much money he spent on the search. Almost like she disappeared into thin air.

Day by day he was dying a little, bleeding through the wounds he so desperately prevented from healing every single time. Keeping the memory of her alive in his mind, not letting the hope die. Because it was all he had. Glimmer of hope. The leader of Peaky blinders became even worse than before. The pain shaped his mind in unknown ways, as the limitless cruelty became visible to anyone who dared to cross his path. Peaky Blinders were unmatched.

Nobody besides Thomas held onto the hope anymore. Knowing Y/N for so long, John and Artur knew she wouldn't come back. Not if her life depended on it. Polly only prayed for her safety.

...and Y/N? She stopped praying once her children were born. After finding out she'd have twins, she prayed every night for them to be born healthy. It was all that mattered.

Not the fact that she had to be using a fake name after moving to Coventry, mere miles away from Birmingham. But she couldn't afford to move further.

It's been.. so fucking hard. Everything. Y/N spent every night crying, begging any God that would listen to take away the pain in her heart. The pain that her babies only managed to lessen. Working as a waitress on nightshifts after accepting the kindness of her older neighbour. Mrs Wilson offered to take care of her boys while she works to help her make ends meet. Y/N had no idea what she would do without a woman she grew to call her only family.

”It's no problem, honey. They're little angels” She said quietly with a kind smile, taking one of the boys into her arms mere days after they were born.

The pain Y/N felt by having to leave her kids every night was stronger than the physical one. Having to work a demanding job after giving birth to keep the roof over their heads.

She cried, cried so much that eventually tears ran out and all she could do was.. keep trying. The two little people by her side were giving her strength. Light that she couldn't see before them, and only existed because they were here. Keeping her own heart beating.

***

”Are you sure? I can take care of them while you go, honey. You know how much I love them, don't you?” The older lady offered eagerly, caressing Nick's cheek with a smile, and a hint of concern while she glanced at Y/N.

”Thank you, but I will take them. The least I can do is spend time with them throughout the day.” Y/N responded, smiling sadly to her neighbour who just nodded along, understanding the allusion.

Letting out a sigh, she put her hands together.

”Be careful, dear.”

Y/N squeezed her hand lightly before pulling away as she held her son's hand, while carrying the other one on her hip.

”Always”

Travelling via train took no longer than forty minutes, and with each passing mile, Y/N's anxiety grew. She hasn't been in Birmingham for a long time now, not looking back.

Yet, because of her official address being still in the Arrow house, she needed to visit the office to complete documentation for boys. She put it off as long as she could, but it was inevitable now.

Despite the negative emotions, Y/N couldn't felt.. better, having her babies with her. The familiar facial expressions or blue orbs were enough to sometimes bring her to tears, but she couldn't love them more. They were a perfect little copy of the man whose name was engraved on her heart. The older they were, the more similar looking they were and now at dashing two and a half years, both boys were troublemakers.

Slowly making their way through Birmingham, Y/N held one little hand, chatting away with Nick, who was more energised than his brother who slept soundly in his mum's arms.

”...and dat?” He asked, pointing towards the building and glancing curiously at his mama. Y/N smiled at his curiosity, seeing how similar personality wise he was to her.

”that's a house” She replied calmly. The little boy cheered loudly, throwing his arms in the air.

"Yaay! Hooose!” He squealed making her chuckle, not caring about the scolding glances from other passengers.

A couple minutes later the other little one woke up, and started fussing because obviously he also wanted to walk now, while Nick wanted to be carried now. Sighing, Y/N put one of the kids down, and as she managed to pick up little Nick, she gasped loudly seeing her son's legs already in motion as he ran towards the crowd.

”Tommy! Thomas, stop!” She yelled after him, chasing him with Nick on her hip who watched the whole thing with his blue eyes wide open. ”Tommy!” She yelled once again, and he finally turned around, stumbling upon someone.

Y/N closed the distance as fast as she could, grabbing little Tommy and pulling him back to his feet, as she checked for any bruises – found none.

”I'm so sorry, i–” She started out, wanting to apologise to the random passenger, but words died on her tongue as soon as her eyes locked with the familiar brown ones.

”Y/N?” Polly stumbled out in shock.

Fuck

Part two upcoming

JUST ANOTHER OF YOUR MISTAKES

Thomas Shelby x Reader

It's a little addition to the three part fic! A little closure for people who needed it!

Warnings: swearing, fluff, comfort

A/N: that's it guys, they're gonna be happy I promise

~~

If someone asked, Y/N wouldn't be able to pinpoint the moment when she started feeling like home in the Arrow house. The realisation at first made her… fearful almost, as she knew how comfortable the boys became with the house. With Tommy. They’ve spent nearly a year here since the ongoing threats from the Changrettas. Could she take these young boys away from what they’ve known? Before, Y/N was doing her very best to focus on day to day life, back when her relationship with Thomas was very difficult and… barely there. Now, on the other hand, things looked different and day by day he kept proving to her that he deserved to be a father to Nick and Tommy.

Functioning around and with Thomas grew on her more than she'd like to admit. Subconsciously, she memorised his work schedule to make sure he had something warm to eat after coming home. Whenever she wouldn't know how to handle an issue, she would come to him instinctually. No matter whether it was a serious matter, or a stubborn lid on a jar she couldn't open.

Basically, they lived like a family. Neither of them expected the shift in the air that would happen after realising that… they weren't forced to live together anymore. The threat was gone, and so was the excuse for living together despite their uncertain situation. It was easier to brush it away, having an excuse other than… the want to stay. Thomas didn't dare to touch this topic, maybe fearing he'd give her an idea to leave.

So they both pretended like the matter didn't exist.

Y/N thought about it while she scrambled around the room, looking for Nick's pants in the midst of chaos as Tommy ran around fully dressed.

”Bloody hell” She mumbled, moving around in her nightgown, not prepared at all. Guests would start arriving in about forty minutes so she had to be quick.

“There!” She exclaimed happily, pulling out the small piece of clothing from their wardrobe as she grabbed the boy to put it on. A satisfied smile appeared on her lips as she took in their appearance. Their white shirts contrasted with the dark blue suit pants and suspenders which ensured that, well… their pants would stay where they're supposed to.

As she moved towards her vanity, Y/N looked at her face to check whether her makeup that she put on while her boys were taking a nap still looked neat, letting out a sigh of relief as it was all fine. In the corner of her eye, she noticed Tommy wearing only his right shoe, running towards the door while holding the other in his hand.

”Thomas!” She yelled after him, using his full name for a better effect, which… clearly didn't work, as the boy ran out of the room.

Without a second thought, Y/N rushed after him, immediately fearing that he'd fall down the stairs.

She repeated his name, falling out of the room at high speed, and before she could react, she stumbled upon the one person she didn't expect to stand there, Thomas. He stood there, cocking an eyebrow at the way she looked with her hair up, body covered by the thin fabric.

“Got places to be?” He asked with a head tilt and grin on his lips, causing Y/N’s cheeks to turn bright pink at the way he looked at her.

“No, I–I was dressing up and he.. bolted out of the room.” Y/N couldn't hold in the giggle, seeing Tommy clutching his father's hand and still holding the other shoe, looking proud of himself as ever.

Thomas watched her carefully, secretly loving the way she scrunched up her nose while laughing.

“Don't look at me like that, Shelby. It's your fault.” She pointed out, raising her eyebrows as she put her hand on her hips, causing him to eye her once again before indulging in the banter.

“How so?” He chuckled, still standing really close, and without any intention of moving.

“First off, you went to get ready first and left me with BOTH of them,” she pointed out, counting on her fingers for a dramatic effect. “...and he's a troublemaker because of you. Like father like son,” She added with mischief, causing him to shake his head with a smile.

“Well,” He started before glancing down, “I am in fact wearing both of my shoes, he probably got it from you.” Thomas pointed towards her bare feet, making her blush more fiercely. “And haven’t you always bragged to me about how well you’ve learned to multitask?” he added.

Y/N rolled her eyes at his words, secretly enjoying the exchange.

“I have,” She responded confidently, taking a step forward to reach for the shoe little Tommy was holding, unconsciously closing up some proximity between them. As she straightened her back, she was mere inches from the man's face, gasping as he leaned closer.

“Is that right?” He said with a cocked eyebrow, seeing the way she reacted to being so close to him..

“Mhm” She nodded, trying to hide away how flustered she suddenly felt. Thomas looked at her lips for a second, before smiling and clearing his throat.

He reached a hand out to her face to lightly brush her hair back into place, causing Y/N to involuntarily let out a quiet sigh.

“I’ll have to test it at some point,” He responded in a voice a little too husky to take it as completely innocent, yet nothing bold. It delicately danced on the line she firmly set between them after moving in.

Y/N’s pupils dilated, playfully scoffing at his words, yet unable to find anything smart as an answer. It wasn't often for her to run out of things to say, but it was one of these rare moments, which clearly amused him.

A peal of laughter interrupted the moment, bursting the bubble of tension which seemed to be surrounding them throughout the whole encounter.

Thomas glanced at the small carbon copy of himself, suddenly remembering they weren't alone.

“What's so funny, little man, eh?” He asked in a softer voice, the one he was using purely with their boys.

Without an audible answer, little Tommy's hand shot up, his chubby little finger pointing towards the room.

Looking back, Y/N suddenly froze at the sight in front of them.

The briefly unsupervised Nick had climbed onto the vanity chair and applied a nice thick layer of “crimson passion” lipstick to his nose and forehead.

“As of right now, that's your son” Y/N sighed with a glimmer of humour in her eyes.

Even though it was a joke in this instance, hearing her calling the boys theirs or his always melted his heart. Back when he first discovered their existence, he wasn’t sure Y/N would ever acknowledge his role in front of them.

With a shake of his head, Thomas took a step forward, to her surprise leaning down as he kissed her temple before moving past them.

“I'll take care of them, you go get dressed. Polly and Ada will arrive in less than half an hour.”

***

The small amount of powder on Y/N’s face was the only reason why her cheeks weren't pink as she walked downstairs, catching everyone's eye. She looked radiant wearing her blue evening dress combined with the pearls adorning her neck.

Thomas stood back, watching and he couldn't help but feel almost giddy at how pretty she looked. As everyone greeted her, they moved to the dining room, still chatting, as maids slowly brought out the food and drinks. The atmosphere around the house was much lighter since the threat wasn't hanging above them like a dark cloud anymore. Ada took the opportunity to talk to Y/N about the kids, gushing over their resemblance to her brother.

Arthur and Linda arrived a little later, explaining the delay as their kids had been more fussy than usual.

Y/N listened closely as Polly talked away, trying not to get distracted by Tommy's hand on her lower back whenever she was within his reach, which was quite difficult.

Soon enough he asked the maids to look over the children, giving Y/N a wink before he and his brothers moved to the office, having to look over one of the contracts.

The women were sitting in the living room drinking and gossiping when the conversation turned toward the whole Changretta affair.

“Y/N, you must give me your new address once you and the boys move out,” Linda said with a knowing smile. “Because you're planning on moving out, right?” The straightforwardness of her allusions made the chatter die down, stirring up an awkward atmosphere.

Polly and Ada exchanged awkward glances as the entire mood of the room shifted.

“I'm sure Y/N will let you know about any changes should they occur” Polly replied with a warning tone.

“Should they occur? I don't understand. I thought she only lived here for protection, not to live in sin,” said Linda, glancing around their faces as she raised her eyebrows in surprise. Linda was always bold with her words, but

“I think you've said enough, Linda” Ada coldly said as she glared daggers at her sister-in-law. Y/N rubbed her hands against her lap, looking around nervously. Finishing up her tea, she got up from the couch, thanking them for coming.

“It's about time for my boys to get ready for bed. I think I should go check on them and Frances. Please excuse me” Y/N said with a growing blush of embarrassment and fury on her face. Polly saw how nervous this exchange made her, so didn't dare to try and stop her, instead glaring eloquently at the blonde woman.

Being just around the corner, Y/N overheard the last few sentences.

“What?” Linda asked with a huff, “These were her words at the beginning, don't you remember? Plus they're not even Shelby's technically.” She offered with annoyance, lighting a cigarette and inhaling the smoke as the older woman got up angrily, pointing towards her face.

Y/N walked away before Polly's heated response came to her ears, scooping up Tommy and grabbing little Nick by the hand, as he rubbed his eyes with his fist.

“Let's get you two to bed, hmm?” She said in her softer voice, feeling Tommy nodding against the crook of her neck.

“Noooo” Nick replied in a sleepy voice, watching his steps intently with half lidded eyes, as to not trip over any stairs. Y/N just smiled under her breath, his stubbornness reminding her so much of his father.

After changing them into pyjamas, she managed to put them both to bed despite some fussing from Nick, as expected. She couldn't help but spend a few minutes watching them sleep so peacefully, feeling relief that they were both happy and content.

Standing up from the bed, Y/N froze for a second, only then noticing Thomas standing in the doorway, watching over them calmly.

“What happened?” He asked begrudgingly as soon as the door behind them closed, his eyes scanning her face in search of truth. Y/N didn't meet his gaze, looking ahead as she hugged herself lightly.

“Nothing happened, it was a nice evening” she replied in a tone that didn't even sound convincing to herself.

“It's still early, they're all downstairs.” He pointed out, raising his brows, fully knowing she wasn't being truthful.

“Boys were sleepy,” She pointed out, finally looking at him. He blinked a couple times, before narrowing his eyes.

“Alright,” he eventually said, “They're asleep, so let's join everyone downstairs then” his voice suggested a challenge in his tone, as he tried to get her to… start talking. Y/N sighed with annoyance at his digging, knowing damn well how stubborn he was.

“No, I just–” she stopped, pulling back ”I don't feel good–” Y/N offered but Tommy cut her off,

“It's what she said, isn't it?” His voice was rougher, eyes carefully studying her expression, which was enough to know the answer. “Polly told me,” Immediately added to the question she had written all over her face.

Letting out a sigh, Y/N looked towards the stairs, hearing fairly loud voices from downstairs, making it all the difficult to process her feelings. His eyes followed hers, sensing the anxiety she was feeling. He knew her too well.

“Let's not talk about it here, come on” Thomas said finally, grabbing her hand and pulling her towards his bedroom. Y/N let him lead her, quietly shutting the door behind as he walked further into the room. She crossed her arms, looking in his direction.

“She's not wrong,” Hardened expression and weak voice were giving away her mixed feelings on the matter, but Tommy let her speak. “I should–should find an apartment somewhere, and go back to work… We're not in danger anymore. We should go.”

Her words created some serious chaos in his head, as he watched her face for a longer minute. Eyes frantically grazing over her expression, unsure whether she was serious. Turning around, Thomas let his gaze drop to the floor as he came up to the window, searching for answers to the questions that weren't even asked.

Not directly. Again this fucking uncertainty, he thought, tired of dancing around the situation they didn't address for so long. The realisation dawned on him, as he felt the real threat of losing them. Of losing her again.

Facing her again, Thomas looked her in the eyes boldly, taking a step forward.

“Did I cause that? Have I don't something wrong that makes you want to leave?” His voice steady, demanding a direct answer. “Tell me what's missing and I'll fix it.”

Y/N groaned with frustration, stepping closer to the wardrobe, creating some distance between them that she do desperately needed to think clearly.

“No, Tommy, it's not that— fuck” she cut herself off with a sigh, looking for the right words. “You didn't do anything wrong, it's just… just not—”

“I don't want you to go.” He said suddenly, cutting her off as she fell silent, looking at him with wide eyes. “I can't stand the thought of losing you again, and.. and this” He pointed towards the door, referring to the situation that took place downstairs. “Should have never happened in the first place. I can't stand this fucking distance. Knowing I can't touch you, that i–i can't kiss you despite having you right here.” His voice grew rougher with simmering anger, directed to nobody but himself. “Having you sleep in another room even though your fucking place is by my side.” He took a step forward, looking in her eyes with emotions swirling in his mind. “Knowing that I have no right to keep you here, and.. and after what i did, I will never deserve you.” He said quieter, reaching for her cheek “But I'm selfish, and I can't let you go when you're standing right here, Y/N. I'm tired of hiding how crazy I am about you.” Tommy's eyes were fixed on her lips, as he licked his own, feeling the sudden dryness in his throat. “But uncertainty is the worst, so… so tell me. I need to know—”

This time, Y/N pressed her lips against his, closing her eyes. Her hand gripping onto his vest, feeling his heart thumping beneath her hand. Kissing him slowly, without any rush, as his words rang in her ears.

“Please” He said weakly as she finally pulled away, resting his forehead against hers. Y/N’s hand combed through his hair, enjoying the warmth radiating from his body.

“Please, don't break my heart, Tommy.” She whispered, feeling the weight easing off of her chest. “Because I won't survive being punished for loving you again.”

Taggin my people: @iilovedonnatartt @gentlebeari @narlytude @honeymoon8 @chaimaarouaine11 @hatethis29 @bruhidkjustwannaread @reiwanwan @immyowndefender @jbrownta @preparedfruit @emptyvoidofmine @dornishannie

Who is ready for an additional part? People who wanted more closure will be pretty happy, LOL

JUST ANOTHER OF YOUR MISTAKES

Thomas Shelby x Reader

Warnings: angst, swearing, violence, grieving, a lot of pain, eventual fluff, smut

A/N: thanks for reading guys

PART ONE PART TWO PART THREE

~~

Y/N was never a light sleeper, but this particular time waking up felt way more difficult than usual. Her head was hurting from all the crying and the last thing she could remember was Tommy holding her against his chest and the familiar scent of his cologne mixed with his own unique scent before she nodded off, unable to handle the recent events.

“Mrs. Shelby, you're awake” One of the maids spoke up with a gentle smile, putting a steaming tea on the nightstand by her side.

Sitting up, Y/N furrowed her eyebrows in confusion.

“I'm not a Shelby” She responded with more annoyance than she'd like.

“Oh” The older woman said with a hint of shame. “My apologies. Mr. Shelby asked to bring you tea and some pain relief tonic,”

Y/N nodded, thanking her quietly before she rose from the bed, looking around. The room looked familiar in a less than pleasurable way, just like the clothes she was wearing. Sighing deeply she walked out of the room, seeing the dark corridor of the places she once called home.

After getting refreshed and dressed, Y/N walked toward the grand staircase. She stopped cold, feeling goosebumps running through her spine in the worst possible way when she saw the monumental portrait of Thomas and her in the stairwell. One she used to see everyday. The eyes on the portrait looked as lively as ever, mocking the pain she held in her chest every time she saw it. There she was, the former lady of the house, laying claim to her domain even from the grave. The longer she stared at her, the more she felt Grace was taunting her. “You may have been his woman once, but I have his heart and his ring on my finger now.” The words rang in her ears, coming from the depths of her memory, loud as the day she heard them for the first time. Y/N couldn't seem to be able to tear her gaze away, silently battling the ghost that seemed to curse her relationship forever.

She stood there for a long moment, immersed in the painting so much that she didn't realise she was being watched.

Thomas stood in the doorway on the other side of the corridor, watching her silently losing the battle as shame gnawed on his insides. He should have thrown it away long ago, but it was the last thing on his mind as he desperately looked for Y/N everywhere. The dead woman on his wall wasn't a big concern.

“You're awake” He spoke up, unable to handle the silence anymore.

She turned around, almost startled, as he caught her staring at her. The first thing she noticed were the glasses on his nose, and she fought against the little smirk that tried to appear on her lips so badly.

“What am I doing here? Where are the boys?” She asked, straight to the point. Thomas shifted from foot to foot awkwardly, knowing she wouldn't be happy with the news.

“Boys are with Frances upstairs, playing.” He responded, looking her in the eyes. “You're not safe outside of Arrow house. You three need to stay here until the vendetta is over.”

“What if you had more men surrounding my flat instead?” Y/N bargained.

“It’s too dangerous and I need my men concentrated not spread out over cities” he replied, already prepared for the questions he knew she'd ask.

She wanted to argue so badly. Y/N wanted to be free from him and the reminders of the past that this house held. But she knew that receiving a black hand was a serious threat she didn’t have the capacity to handle by herself.

“The only reason I'm not leaving right now is because I need to keep them safe.” She said, stepping closer. “...and if anything happens to us, I want you to know that it's all your fault.”

Despite knowing and seeing the pure hatred in her eyes, Thomas could never fully brace himself for the impact of her words.

“Nothing will happen to any of you. I give you my word” He said, quieter this time.

“Your word means nothing to me, Thomas. Just… just stay away from us as much as possible.” Y/N added, wanting to walk away.

“You can't expect me to stay away. They.. are my kids. My sons.” He said suddenly, and the confidence and fierceness of his voice made her stop in her tracks. “I regret losing you every single day. Every day I grieved the loss of my bloody heart, and then I found out there's three I should have been grieving. But you're here, and so are they. So I won't let yo–them go.” He hissed out, almost frantically and the vulnerability in his eyes made her slightly tremble. It hurt even more, because she waited so long to hear.. anything. Any crumb of reassurance would be enough to keep her here, but he didn't say a fucking word.

Straightening her back, Y/N inhaled a deep breath, looking back at the bloody portrait who was witnessing the whole scene. Seconds later she looked at him again, and the fire in his eyes was more lively, outweighing the dead, judgemental stare.

“They won't call you their father. If you break this rule, you won't see us again.”

***

The next day Y/N woke up, bracing herself for another battle as she walked down the stairs and to her surprise, the portrait was… gone. Her heart thumped wildly at the realisation and she couldn't believe her eyes. Suddenly the tension in the house seemed to have lessened.

Walking to the kitchen, she noticed Thomas sitting by the table with a cup of coffee and a cigarette in his hand, as he read the newspaper. It felt weirdly domesticated and the thought alone made her smirk.

“Did the boys eat?” She asked, not sure what to expect.

“Frances fed them an hour ago. Tommy is napping in the living room, and Nick is picking daisies with Mary in the garden.” He responded in a calm tone, not tearing his gaze away from the newspaper.

Silence hung in the air as they each did their own thing

Finishing up her breakfast, Y/N cleared her throat again as she looked at the wall in front of her.

“The portrait is gone” She pointed out in an emotionless voice, not looking at him. A couple longer moments passed before she heard him exhale a cloud of smoke.

“What portrait? He responded, and Y/N’s lips stretched into a subtle smile before she grabbed her plate and walked away.

A couple days later Y/N still avoided him, occasionally getting to talk to John or Arthur, but both of them were distracted by the giant threat hanging over the family. Polly seemed to keep it together the best, coming over whenever she felt like it for some female company.

Y/N said her goodbyes to Polly, going to put the cups into the sink and cleaning the mess after Nick. She wasn't used to having maids doing everything for her, so it was more comfortable to just clean the mess herself. Nick himself was currently spending time with his uncles by the stables, and Tommy was… who knows where.

After cleaning, Y/N went looking for the other boy, asking Frances who just directed her to the little room where the toys were stored.

She expected everything, but not the view she saw arriving in the doorway. Little Tommy sat back on his legs, watching with wide eyes and furiously colouring the different shapes Thomas drew for him.

“Dat?” Tommy asked suspiciously, pointing towards the crooked flower on the paper and glancing at him with big eyes.

“This?” He asked with a grin, “that's a flower” he explained, to which the boy nodded, narrowing his eyes lightly.

“...and dat?!” He asked suddenly in a squeaky tone, seeing the car Thomas drew for him.

“That's a car. Almost” He chuckled, seeing the crooked shapes as he tried his very best.

Tommy nodded, grinning in the same way as his father before glancing at his mum.

“Hi!” He waved, before pointing to the flower again. “fwowa!” he said proudly, pushing his little chest forward.

Thomas just laughed quietly, putting the pencil down.

“Good job, little man” he said, before slowly rising from the floor with a groan.

“Oh God, I'm too old for this” He whispered with a chuckle, glancing at Y/N who wasn't able to suppress the smile on her face after she heard Tommy talk. “Don't smile like that, now it's your turn.” Thomas added, passing by her in the doorway, his shoulder brushing against hers.

***

The next couple weeks were… rougher. Changretta was relentless in his search, which turned into a couple of seriously dangerous situations where John got shot in the chest barely coming out alive. Polly didn't agree with a lot of Thomas' actions, despite his inability to back off right now. He stood his ground, no matter how difficult it was sometimes to keep Y/N inside Arrow house whenever worse moments would arrive. And they did, fairly frequently.

The pull he felt became stronger and stronger, no matter how many daggers she kept throwing. Spewing the words she held deep inside, reminding him of the monster he used to be… or maybe still was? He couldn't tell. The view in the reflection of his mirror was so blurry, that it didn't matter. As long as she saw him to be fit enough to be around boys.

The house was completely quiet as he made his way through the corridor, lacking the usual sounds of kids playing or Y/N walking from one room to the other. Walking past the library, he caught a glimpse of light coming from the room that made him stop in his tracks.

His hands trembled with anxiety. The fear settled in his ribs over three years ago and hasn't left him once, even though they were here.

Thomas was aware of how powerless he was once the vendetta was over. The thought of them leaving the house and never coming back was making his heart squeeze painfully, reminding him of the privilege he once had, but gave it up willingly. The fear was like a loop, tightening around his throat with each passing day as he grew comfortable coming home and seeing them here.

Walking into the library, Thomas was completely quiet, wanting nothing but to see her if it was all he could count on. He was completely unaware of the fact that she always felt his presence. Sometimes letting him stay, and other times making him leave so desperately that made him wonder whether it was possible to day from a broken heart.

Step after step he tried to control his shallow breathing as he finally saw her. Standing by the big shelf, he traced over the backs of books standing there for so long, it felt like they were always there.

“You wouldn't like that one” He spoke up quietly, noticing how she didn't even budge hearing his voice. It took a longer moment before she replied.

“How so?” Her voice was calm, light-hearted as she found herself lost in the countless stories filling up the wooden shelves. The nagging thoughts in his mind disappeared the second he heard her voice.

“Because you don't like uncertainty. It's filled with unanswered questions and has an open ending.” He thought for a moment before replying, well aware of the content of this book, because he read them all. In the moments of despair, trying to hold onto every scrap of feelings in the house so empty, it felt like nobody lived inside.

Sighing deeply, Y/N put the book back in its place, grabbing another one.

“Nobody likes uncertainty, Thomas. Holding onto the moment, unsure of what's to come.” She sighed, hearing his slow footsteps approaching. “A book is just a book. You can close it, and move onto another one anytime. If only life was just as easy.”

Silence in the room caused the whole scenery to become more intimate, unexpectedly even for him. Stopping mere inches behind her, he watched the back of her head for a moment, remembering the nightmares he had every night. Ones where he couldn't reach her, no matter how he tried.

His breath caught in his throat as he slowly raised his hand, moving it closer and closer towards her shoulder. Inches away, he noticed the goosebumps covering her skin. Without looking he reached out to the shelf, grasping onto the book he knew by heart, while his arm brushed against her own.

He stood close, too close, and Y/N knew it too well, yet she couldn't bring herself to make him leave or pull away. The way he trembled as his chest pressed lightly against her back made her stand still.

“You'd love this one” He whispered, not feeling brave enough to speak loudly. The uncertainty they talked about he knew better than anything else.

Her breathing became heavier, feeling him so close, the tingling on her skin she hadn't felt for so long almost made her flinch. Slowly, she turned around facing him.

This, Thomas didn't expect as she suddenly looked up, their eyes meeting in a gaze long forgotten, yet still alive and lively as when they looked for the first time.

“I don't read anymore” She confessed quietly, and his eyes couldn't help but watch her lips intently. The way they wrapped around the words she spoke.

The urge to grab and hold her closer was strong, almost too strong. Tommy tilted his head to the side, getting a better look at her face in the dim light.

“I can read it to you” He offered quietly, as it was the closest she allowed him to… just be near her.

So he waited, scared of ruining the moment as she moved closer. Their noses brushing against each other.

“I wanted you to speak, not read.” The sound of her voice was like the most beautiful music he ever got to listen to, even though the words were far from it. “...but now it's too late, and you're standing too close.” her breath touched his lips, taunting.

…and then she pulled away, leaving him standing there. Slowly making her way out of the library.

“You're cruel” He said, loud enough for Y/N to hear.

***

Y/N opened her eyes suddenly, sitting up as she took a deep breath, desperately trying to blink away the nightmare she had. The clock showed three AM in the morning, and her heart was pounding from the fear she felt. One she rarely felt anymore, feeling as Thomas was taking it over day by day, despite her unwillingness to share anything. Even the broken, ugly parts he ruined.

His cold eyes kept looking at her in the dream, so unfazed by the idea of her absence. The humiliation turned into physical tears rolling down her cheeks as the memories clouded her reasoning.

Getting up from her bed, she remembered the way he touched her. Avoiding her eyes, throwing his head back. Not bothering to bare himself, so eager to take but never give. Forcing her to pour from a completely empty cup.

Her bare feet were cold against the floor as she quickly made her way through the corridor, knowing where she'd find him. Swiftly opening the door to his office, Y/N didn't bother to say a word or wipe her tears away as she quickly walked up, not looking him in the eyes.

“Y/N?” He asked, taking his glasses off and setting them on his desk while she suddenly pulled him back, creating more space to straddle his lap. Tears kept streaming in a smaller amount, but never ending as she ripped his shirt open, baring his chest.

“What are you–” He tried to speak up, but she didn't let him, as she pressed her lips against his so aggressively his breath caught in his throat.

Pulling on his belt she unbuckled it skillfully, a motion she knew too well from all these years ago. The inner pain burned her chest as she kissed and bit him, while pushing his arms away.

“Shut up” She hissed, as the humiliation from the memories took over her mind. The shame of giving and never asking for more. Of being taken and left without any rest. Pulling his pants open she stroked him impatiently, doing just enough to get him going. It wasn't difficult, as he was the only man she ever slept with, knowing his habits and body more than she'd care to admit.

Her nails raked over his throat and chest, ripping a deep groan from his throat.

He didn't dare to ask, feeling and giving everything she wanted to take. Despite the burning, the physical attraction and need she felt was stronger, her arousal glistening and visible as she lined him up with her entrance, not caring enough to be slow or subtle as she sank down on him fully. A subtle moan pushed past her lips as she squeezed her eyes tightly, doing the same thing he used to.

His eyes were wide open, taking the beautiful sight of her on top of him, but the expression on her face made him hurt so badly, he thought he might not survive. He reached out, wanting her to look at him, but she refused, keeping her eyes squeezed tightly as she moved on top of him frantically chasing her release.

“Y/N” He begged quietly, as her hands wrapped around his throat, squeezing to cause pain.

“I hate you. I hate you so much” She whimpered, as his fingers dug into her thighs.

“Please” He whispered, and she let go of his throat, digging her nails into his shoulders.

Thomas wanted to reach out to wipe her tears away, but he knew she wouldn't let him.

So he leaned forward, his forehead pressing against her collarbone when he let out a shaky breath.

“I love you” He whispered weakly, holding her tightly as she haven't stopped moving even for a second, brimming on the edge.

“I hate you. I fucking hate you” She cried out, opening her eyes as she looked down at him, meeting his gaze. His eyes were half lidded but he didn't give up, staring and repeating like mantra.

“I love you” kept spilling from his lips as she reached her peak, causing him to follow right after as they reached the release.

His head fell forward, tears escaping his tired eyes as she quickly got off of him, leaving him without a word.

***

Y/N was growing increasingly restless inside of the Arrow House. Her days had been filled with reading and finding activities to keep her sons occupied, which took less time than usual, as Thomas took every opportunity to spend time with them. There was one room she had only been in once prior on this visit. She shuddered at the memory of her desperate conflicted intimacy with Thomas. Y/N knew that room would hold a concentrated form of his presence and essence, even more so after that night. She wasn’t sure if she felt strong enough to enter his sanctum again, but while Thomas was away on business and her boys were having their afternoon nap, the curiosity overcame her hesitation as she entered his space.

It was incredibly… him with deep mahogany furnishings and sumptuous emerald accents. During that night, she had paid no attention to the surroundings in the office - only to him and her inner emotions. Slowly she went deeper into his study, turning on a lamp at his desk. She could picture him here with those round glasses on, absorbed in matters of business both legitimate and less so. To the side of his desk was a small curio cabinet filled with antiquities and presumably family mementos. It hardly garnered a second thought from her until she noticed a figurine on the top shelf next to an old photograph of Thomas and his siblings. It was the figurine.

Before the war, before everything changed, she and Thomas would wander around Birmingham together - young and full of optimism. Both their families were poor and doing their best to survive in the cruel world, but they were the dreamers of their respective clans. He and Y/N often visited a certain shop that sold trinkets and collectables. Y/N yearned to be able to spend money on frivolous little objects like these one day. There was a specific figurine that she longed to own: a porcelain ballerina with graceful fingers and a white and pink lace ruffled skirt. She thought ballerinas were the most fairy-like women that walked the Earth. Of course neither of them could afford such a beautifully crafted figurine, but Y/N swore that one day they would walk in that shop and purchase her ballerina without a second thought to the cost.

That never happened, yet here it was, that same figurine she had seen so many years before sitting in Thomas’ curio cabinet in his most sacred space of his home. She didn’t know what it meant, but she felt tears prick her eyes at the reminder of those beautiful days from their youth. If only they could be like that again. If only the war and the turmoil after it hadn’t soured the tender young love they had known.

“I see you found your way back to my study” Thomas’ deep voice called from the doorway. Y/N was startled. She had been so lost in her memories and feelings that she hadn’t noticed his presence. She shifted awkwardly.

“Yeah, it seems like it.” She responded, glancing towards the curio cabinet. He slowly came up closer, a small grin on his face.

“What did you find?” Thomas asked, tilting his head to the side. Of course he knew what she saw, but wanted to hear it.

“I can’t believe you remembered my ballerina” Y/N said, not meeting his gaze.

“I went back to the shop to get it, but old Mr. Jones said he’d sold it years before. It took some hunting, but I eventually found her. I was hoping to someday show it to you, but… seems like you found her instead.”

“Why?” she questioned him in a small voice.

“Because this is how I remember you. You always said the ballerina was like a fairy or goddess come to Earth, but to me… when I saw that ballerina figure, I saw you.” Y/N’s eyes glistened with unshed tears as she glanced back towards the cabinet and then back at the man in front of her. Letting out a deep sigh, she wiped her eyes.

“Why now? Why did it take you so long to… to do this? Anything. I waited so long and… and now it's too late, Thomas.” She said, looking at him with an expression that crushed him. Feeling his breath hitch painfully, he felt his throat tightening. He had grieved over losing her and now that Y/N was physically here, she had never felt more far away from him.

After looking into her eyes for a longer moment, Tommy grabbed her hand, slowly straightening it against his palm while the other one reached to his holster, pulling out his gun. Y/N’s eyes widened, but his gaze remained locked on hers, not faltering.

Finally, he didn't feel the fear. Holding the loaded gun, he slowly shoved it into her smaller hand, aiming it forward before he closed his eyes. Pushing his forehead against the muzzle tightly, keeping her wrist upright.

“Then kill me.” He said out loud, the words hanging in the air for a moment. “Because otherwise I will never let you go, no matter how hard you try.”

Thanks for reading lol bye

@iilovedonnatartt @gentlebeari @narlytude @garrison-girl-08 @chaimaarouaine11 @bruhidkjustwannaread @reiwanwan @immyowndefender @jbrownta @honeymoon8

@dannysankletattoo

JUST ANOTHER OF YOUR MISTAKES

Thomas Shelby x Reader

Request made by @justsumtuffstuff: Could you do a tommy shelby imagine where you secretly have his kid but don’t tell him until one day aunt polly sees you and is like “holy shit” but that’s not the surprise, the surprise is you have twins. Just a lot of angst and fluff pretty please? ((:

This fic will have two parts!

Warnings: angst, swearing, violence, grieving, a lot of pain, eventual fluff, smut

A/N: It's a.. heavy fic, so beware. Interact for more

PART ONE PART TWO PART THREE

~~

The land of Birmingham seemed to never change, not one bit. Ever since the first people settled there, the sky hung over them as if by force, never clear enough to see prospects for the future. Robbing the poor kids of dreams, of the loud thumping in their hearts caused by excitement for the good that never came.

It would seem that God has lost his way to Birmingham, not to mention Small Heath. Dirt, smoke and silence that rang too loud when working men would finish their shifts in factories seeking peace in their homes. After all, the human brain can get used to everything.

What was the difference between going to sleep hungry every night, and the relentless churning in the depths of her stomach that Y/N felt? Pain that never let go, waking up along her side like a loyal husband, never ceasing to accompany her throughout the day. Never loosening the hold on her heart.

Oh, how cruel the fate can be, Y/N thought, looking at the white ceiling of her bedroom. One she slept in for many nights too long, carrying the weight of the curse on her shoulders.

Because she was cursed, that one she was sure. Seeing the man she loved more than anything else in the world, losing himself in the grief after another woman.

Because that was the woman whose name Y/N dared not speak or even think. That's who she was, another woman. Embodiment of pain and betrayal of so many promises, taking away the beautiful, blue gaze Y/N yearned for so badly.

God must have been so cruel, putting her through the uncertainty of ever seeing him again throughout the war, and then taking him away.

Taking him away from Y/N, and letting her watch the process. Letting her see the distance growing, the dilated pupils in his eyes after each doze of opium, fruitlessly trying to numb the pain he carried.

Y/N couldn't help but wake up everyday, wondering how different his grief would be if it was her who died. Would he cry? Would he push the other woman away, like he did her? Sometimes the pain felt like too much to handle, but Y/N would never try to pull the trigger. Subconsciously feeling the weight of shame in her chest if she'd ever somehow found out she was right. That he wouldn't care.

So she lived, losing pieces of her heart day by day, warming his bed whenever he saw it convenient.

Until that one day came, that was. Hearing the... Scary, oh so scary news from her doctor she visited in secret. Putting both of her hands on her still flat stomach, she didn't feel anything physically. Yet it was enough to find the strength, buried so deep in her heart.

The love she felt for her unborn children outweighed the love for him.

The tension in Arrow house felt heavier than usual, as Y/N dragged her heavy suitcase down the stairs before slowly making her way to his office. The pain, longing in her heart slowing her down, extending the seconds into forever.

Y/N took a deep breath as her hand pressed down on the metal handle, the loud click echoing throughout the mostly empty room. Wordlessly she slipped inside, walking up to his desk quietly, letting out a shaky breath when she stopped mere inches away from the wooden furniture. His eyes didn't move from the documents he was reading, an empty gaze fixed on black letters despite knowing she was there. Y/N waited for a second, giving him a chance to look at her. Hoping he would.

But he didn't.

”I'm leaving” she said, loud enough to be heard. Silence followed her words, loud like never before as her heart squeezed in anticipation, silently begging him to stop her. To say something. Several moments passed before he finally did, making her heart stop for a mere second.

”Safe travels, Y/N Y/L/N” He responded in a cold, husky voice and for a moment, Y/N wondered who he was, wearing his face but sounding so different.

But the dust settled, just like the weight of his words as soon as she closed the door behind her back for what she thought would be the last time.

~~

Polly's eyes cut through his skin like a blade, her gaze never changing after that one feral day. The look of contempt and disgrace not even a bit different than one she gave him finding out what happened, back then.

”I was hoping you wouldn't be so stupid” She hissed, leaning forward, reaching for a cigarette with a shaky hand. Her eyes were teary, as she inhaled the smoke. ”When you were younger I saw your mother in your eyes. Now, they're full of greed and foolishness. Just like your father's” She spat out with contempt, raising from the chair. Quickly walking up to his own, she kneeled down for a moment, to meet his gaze.

One so empty, that gave her goosebumps.

”I will never forgive you, and... Neither will you.” She whispered. ”But you will have to live with the choice you made.”

Her words echoed loudly in his head several minutes after Polly left... And they never stopped ringing now, thirty eight months later. Thomas counted, every morning to be sure. After sobering up it was difficult to tell days apart. He rarely slept, fearful of the dreams he had at first.

He saw her, she was so close and yet no matter how fast Tommy ran, he couldn't reach her. Out of his reach no matter how hard he screamed or cried. Looking at him with the burning tears he caused.

It took him three months to sober up, give up on opium and... Feel. Thomas wasn't ready for the hellish pain that dawned on him once the drug wore off. The terrifying longing that dawned on him when he felt the remnants of her perfume on his pillow. The lack of relief he hoped for so badly, throwing away every single Grace's belonging he held onto previously, burning the photos and destroying the items, but it never came.

As time stretched, it became more intense. Thomas carried the pain and guilt wherever he went, finding the smallest bit of relief only in his office, searching for Y/N in every piece of England day by day.

Replaying the ways in which he treated her, internally setting himself on fire and forcing himself to feel every bit of it. Because that's what he deserved, to feel and carry the cross he created with his own hands.

Oh how beautiful the pain was, as he'd lean back in his armchair, closing his eyes and remembering her gaze. Her scent and her laugh, echoing so lively in his mind.

...but none of it worked, no matter how many people searched. How much money he spent on the search. Almost like she disappeared into thin air.

Day by day he was dying a little, bleeding through the wounds he so desperately prevented from healing every single time. Keeping the memory of her alive in his mind, not letting the hope die. Because it was all he had. Glimmer of hope. The leader of Peaky blinders became even worse than before. The pain shaped his mind in unknown ways, as the limitless cruelty became visible to anyone who dared to cross his path. Peaky Blinders were unmatched.

Nobody besides Thomas held onto the hope anymore. Knowing Y/N for so long, John and Artur knew she wouldn't come back. Not if her life depended on it. Polly only prayed for her safety.

...and Y/N? She stopped praying once her children were born. After finding out she'd have twins, she prayed every night for them to be born healthy. It was all that mattered.

Not the fact that she had to be using a fake name after moving to Coventry, mere miles away from Birmingham. But she couldn't afford to move further.

It's been.. so fucking hard. Everything. Y/N spent every night crying, begging any God that would listen to take away the pain in her heart. The pain that her babies only managed to lessen. Working as a waitress on nightshifts after accepting the kindness of her older neighbour. Mrs Wilson offered to take care of her boys while she works to help her make ends meet. Y/N had no idea what she would do without a woman she grew to call her only family.

”It's no problem, honey. They're little angels” She said quietly with a kind smile, taking one of the boys into her arms mere days after they were born.

The pain Y/N felt by having to leave her kids every night was stronger than the physical one. Having to work a demanding job after giving birth to keep the roof over their heads.

She cried, cried so much that eventually tears ran out and all she could do was.. keep trying. The two little people by her side were giving her strength. Light that she couldn't see before them, and only existed because they were here. Keeping her own heart beating.

***

”Are you sure? I can take care of them while you go, honey. You know how much I love them, don't you?” The older lady offered eagerly, caressing Nick's cheek with a smile, and a hint of concern while she glanced at Y/N.

”Thank you, but I will take them. The least I can do is spend time with them throughout the day.” Y/N responded, smiling sadly to her neighbour who just nodded along, understanding the allusion.

Letting out a sigh, she put her hands together.

”Be careful, dear.”

Y/N squeezed her hand lightly before pulling away as she held her son's hand, while carrying the other one on her hip.

”Always”

Travelling via train took no longer than forty minutes, and with each passing mile, Y/N's anxiety grew. She hasn't been in Birmingham for a long time now, not looking back.

Yet, because of her official address being still in the Arrow house, she needed to visit the office to complete documentation for boys. She put it off as long as she could, but it was inevitable now.

Despite the negative emotions, Y/N couldn't felt.. better, having her babies with her. The familiar facial expressions or blue orbs were enough to sometimes bring her to tears, but she couldn't love them more. They were a perfect little copy of the man whose name was engraved on her heart. The older they were, the more similar looking they were and now at dashing two and a half years, both boys were troublemakers.

Slowly making their way through Birmingham, Y/N held one little hand, chatting away with Nick, who was more energised than his brother who slept soundly in his mum's arms.

”...and dat?” He asked, pointing towards the building and glancing curiously at his mama. Y/N smiled at his curiosity, seeing how similar personality wise he was to her.

”that's a house” She replied calmly. The little boy cheered loudly, throwing his arms in the air.

"Yaay! Hooose!” He squealed making her chuckle, not caring about the scolding glances from other passengers.

A couple minutes later the other little one woke up, and started fussing because obviously he also wanted to walk now, while Nick wanted to be carried now. Sighing, Y/N put one of the kids down, and as she managed to pick up little Nick, she gasped loudly seeing her son's legs already in motion as he ran towards the crowd.

”Tommy! Thomas, stop!” She yelled after him, chasing him with Nick on her hip who watched the whole thing with his blue eyes wide open. ”Tommy!” She yelled once again, and he finally turned around, stumbling upon someone.

Y/N closed the distance as fast as she could, grabbing little Tommy and pulling him back to his feet, as she checked for any bruises – found none.

”I'm so sorry, i–” She started out, wanting to apologise to the random passenger, but words died on her tongue as soon as her eyes locked with the familiar brown ones.

”Y/N?” Polly stumbled out in shock.

Fuck

Part two upcoming

Peaky Blinders S1

I think Arthur, that's what I do. I think so you don't have to.

_________________________________________

The only difference between me and you Freddy is that sometimes my horses stand a chance of winning.

_____________________________

Maybe you should put a bullet in his head like they do with mad horses. Maybe you'll have to put a bullet in my head someday too.

_____________________________

Thomas, you're a bookmaker, a robber, a fighting man, you're not a fool. You have your mother's common sense and your father's devilment. I can see them fighting. Let your mother win.

_____________________________

If there are bodies to be buried dig holes and dig them deep.

_____________________________

You sure this isn't heaven?

If it was heaven what would I be doing here.

_____________________________

It's Thomas Shelby against the whole bloody world right?

_____________________________

In France we used to say it's just a musical band turning up. It's just trombones and trubes. Just noise, it's just noise. You'll get used to it.

_____________________________

Rule one: You don't punch above your weight.

You strike when the enemy is weak.

_____________________________

I'll deal with it, you're too busy taking over the world.

_____________________________

She won't have life with a man on the run.

If you can't see that, you can't see much.

_____________________________

He didn't come back. They don't, why should they? You know the words. You're the whore, baby's a bastard. But there's no word for a man who doesn't come back.

_____________________________

If the city is peaceful the business can thrive.

_____________________________

Now why would I shake the hand of a man who didn't even fight for his country?

_____________________________

You underestimate me in every way.

_____________________________

I just put a bullet in his head. He looked at me the wrong way. It's not a good idea to look at Tom Shelby the wrong way.

_____________________________

I warn you. I'll break your heart.

- Already broken.

_____________________________

Fast women and slow horses will ruin your life.

_____________________________

Nobody works with me. People work for me.

_____________________________

I have no sympathys of any description.

_____________________________

It's us that has machineguns now, and it's them that's in the mud.

_____________________________

Lies travel faster than the truth.

_____________________________

Trust only kin.

_____________________________

Everyone's a whore, Grace, we just sell different parts of ourselves.

_____________________________

God takes the best first.

_____________________________

May you be in heaven a full half hour, before the devil knows you're dead.

_____________________________

Is that a heartbeat I hear inside that chest?

_____________________________

She's in the past. The past is not my concern. The future is no longer my concern either.

_____________________________

I'm not looking the other way. I am looking directly at the events of the day, and I like what I see.

_____________________________

I learned long ago to hate my enemies, but I've never loved one before.

_____________________________

Peaky Blinders, S1

Peaky blinders, S6

Magic in her Blood: story concept

(This is an idea I played around with. I might make a small series out of it if some people are interested)

Please do not replicate my work anywhere without my permission :)

*

Smoke filled the streets of Small Heath, workmen feeding coal to metal beasts, breathing in the toxic air. The noise of their exploits echoed over the slated roofs, carrying for miles, and allowing for a cloaked figure to pass by silently.

Her eyes flashed with each burst of flame, catching the depth and piercing brightness of their blue. A pointed, angled hat cast shadow over her features, the glint of steel on the brim a warning to all those who are prey, and obscuring everything but the subtly smirking lips; painted blood red.

She passed through Small Heath with no opposition, no second glances, for all those who saw her, knew. This woman was one of them.

Granddaughter of a Romani king, princess of the Peaky Blinders, and all round predator. Sarah Shelby walked the streets of Birmingham like royalty, because that's exactly what she was.

The doors to the Garrison swung open, and heads came up, only to dip down again in respect. And fear. A few newcomers stared, until one of their friends shoved their heads to the table. 

She swept along the bar, plucking whiskey and a glass on her way. Her heels clicked off the wooden floor, a quiet power spilling out from the smooth, rolling silk that hugged her figure. Equally dark curls bounced upon her shoulders as she turned her head, one last look falling over the pub before she vanished into the private booth.

The Shelby boys all looked up, grins appearing on their faces and papers being set down. To those outside, nothing would have shocked them more than to know she returned the smiles.

"Good to see you again, boys," she said, sitting adjacent from the eldest sibling, Arthur.

"And you, sister," Thomas said, "we'd begun to think ourselves too common for your tastes."

"Oh, not at all," Sarah replied, matching the smirk he wore as she poured herself a drink, "I merely had some business of my own to attend," she said, and crossed her legs.

The air, filled with smoke from their cigarettes, tasted bitter on her tongue. Something hung there, unspoken, interrupted. It seeped into the old wood, spinning around the circular booth like a wailing spirit, begging for freedom.

Eyes narrowed, Sarah regarded her brothers with a tilted head. "What's happened?"

John chuckled, glancing over at Thomas and bouncing his leg. Little humour was to be found in his face, only a rather satisfied "I-told-you-so" gleam in his eye.

The two elders exchanged a brief look, and Arthur gestured towards her, raising another cigarette to his lips and leaving Thomas to answer the question.

"There is a copper from Belfast sticking his nose in our business," he explained, hands clasped on the table he leant on, "and he's causing problems."

"Now the barmaid makes sense," Sarah murmured, sipping her whiskey and gazing at it as the liquid swirled.

The brothers straightened in their seats. Thomas wet his lips. "What do you mean?"

She raised her eyes to them, one eyebrow arched. "A copper from Belfast comes along, poking his snout where it isn't wanted, and a beautiful Irish girl suddenly drops into Harry's lap; surely you don't think it's a coincidence?"

John and Arthur laughed, but quickly stopped, noticing the missing voice. Thomas stared at his sister, heart hammering in his chest, and fell back against the bench.

"Grace is not working for Inspector Campbell," he said, in a tone that seemed directed more at himself than anyone else.

Sarah drew her wand from its sheath at her side, rolling the cool instrument in her grasp. The familiar touch sent gentle sparks flying as she waved it through the air.

They each gulped, glancing at one another and backing up, further away from the weapon. But Thomas met her eyes, and smirked.

"Let's find out, shall we?"

On a Peaky blinder kick, anything to block out reality

Cillian Murphy ━ PEAKY BLINDERS, portraying Thomas Shelby. 

the show first started in September of 2013 and is still an ongoing series.  

It’s been a while...

Hi there! I’m Bee and I used to write a lot of fanfics and imagines. It’s been a few years since I’ve written anything and I would love to get back into it. That being said, I have a few stories now that are kind of back logged that I can throw out at you all at any given point. And I probably will.

I should also tell you I used to write a lot of YouTuber fics. But, have changed to characters from TV shows and movies, as well as Critical Role. Things that I want to write for include:

TV Shows ~

Peaky Blinders

Supernatural

Reign

Stranger Things

Movies ~

Marvel

Critical Role

I’m sure there are others and I will update this list when I remember them. But, for now this is what I’m offering or feel slightly comfortable with writing.

Hi there! I’m Bee and I used to write a lot of fanfics and imagines. It’s been a few years since I’ve written anything and I would love to get back into it. That being said, I have a few stories now that are kind of back logged that I can throw out at you all at any given point. And I probably will.

I should also tell you I used to write a lot of YouTuber fics. But, have changed to characters from TV shows and movies, as well as Critical Role. Things that I want to write for include:

TV Shows ~

Peaky Blinders

Supernatural

Reign

Stranger Things

Movies ~

Marvel

Critical Role

I’m sure there are others and I will update this list when I remember them. But, for now this is what I’m offering or feel slightly comfortable with writing.

Make it to Christmas (pt 3/3)

Make it to Christmas masterlist

The funeral for y/n was short and sweet. They decided to do a traditional gypsy funeral, knowing how much y/n loved their past life. Only the family joined, with their heads bowed throughout the ceremony, no one spoke, too afraid of what would come out if they tried. The town knew of the Shelby’s loss, and felt sorry for them. Despite the chaus they caused, no family deserved to lose a young one.

The house was silent during the festive period. Y/n’s presents had been left under the tree, Pol not letting anyone touch them, even though no one tried. They were a small part of her, even if she wasn’t present. The young girls room hadn’t been touched since that night, the only thing moved was the bedding which y/n had stained that night, and Ada had cleaned up the droplets that had made their way down the floor. Finn had tried sleeping in there one night, but in a fit of rage Tommy had shouted at him, telling him he wasn’t to go into that room again. Arthur and John wouldn’t go to the family home, not wanting to step into a home that wouldn’t have the laughter they used to love.

Christmas eve dawned on them quicker than they would of liked, and Tommy couldn’t help but grit his teeth as he sat in the living room, remembering the years when y/n would be jumping around, excited to see what would be brought to her this year. She always asked for a doll of some sort, and a wooden gun to be like her brothers, and each year she got one, each time they grew in size. The fire blazed with the two children’s stockings still hanging above them. Even Finn couldn’t get into the Christmas spirit, with everything around the time reminding him of y/n. The two youngsters would usually be outside around now, running around with the other kids before they were called in to get ready for midnight mass. It was the one mass y/n enjoyed going to, loving to see the baby lying in his manger, surrounded by the animals, men and his mother.

That night was quiet, and each room was filled with tears. Tommy lay awake on his bed, smoking a cigarette as his thoughts spiralled. He refused to allow the tears in his eyes to fall, rolling the cigarette between his lips every now and then. Y/n’s last few moments rolled through his head, and he frowned, remembering what she had said. ‘Under the bed’. With confusion surrounding him, Tommy decided to go into his little sisters room.

It was eery as he stood in front of the door, knowing that even when he walked in he wouldn’t see y/n, curled up in a ball on the bed. Trying to prolong the unavoidable rush of emotions, Tommy slowly turned the handle before creeping the door open. The place still smelt like Ada’s perfume which the eleven year old  had sneakily took from Ada’s room, her older sister knew where it was but never acted on it. Looking around, the Shelby gangster could see pieces of paper thrown around, crayons and pencils scattered around the place. Not wanting to stay long, Tommy crouched down, looking under the girls bed to see an old biscuit tin underneath. Presuming that’s what the young girl was insinuating, Tommy grabbed it before heading out of the room, leaving the door open.

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Christmas morning was quiet in the Shelby home. Usually there would be a squeal in the early hours of the morning, before each person would be awoken by two children jumping on top of them, screaming it was Christmas. This year, Finn didn’t see the point in getting up, waking each person up. It didn’t feel right to do it on his own, so instead he waited until he heard the sound of footsteps before opening his door. Ada smiled sadly at the young boy who just stood in the doorway, before opening her arms, pulling him into a hug. Polly woke up to the sound of soft sobs, and couldn’t help the few tears that fell herself, feeling how bitter this day was going to be.

Few words were spoken as each family member sat at the kitchen, waiting for their toast to heat up. Usually Pol would make a fry up, but with her little helper not around, she couldn’t bring herself to do it. John and Arthur showed up shortly into the morning with their wives and Johns kids, but only a hello was spoken, until they made their way into the living room.

Finn hesitantly walked towards the tree seeing the small amount of presents that were around, one less pile was evident in the room. Ada’s breath caught in her throat as Finn handed out the presents, all evidently seeing one less name written on their presents. The adults tried to make Christmas somewhat normal for the kids sakes, but even they knew something was wrong. The rooms attention was drawn to Tommy as he cleared his throat.

“I know this Christmas is a tough one, just last week we said goodbye to our angel, but I know that she would want us to try celebrate it.” Tommy gruffly stated, standing up to the drinks cabinet. “Tommy, what are you doing?” Ada asked, confused on why each adult was given a glass of Sherry, the children moving out of the room. “To y/n.” Tommy spoke, holding up his glass. “Our darling sister.” Arthur spoke, holding his glass high. “Never forgotten.” Pol finished with a nod, before clinging the glasses together.   

After downing the small amount of Sherry, Tommy grimaced at the taste before moving to the tree. Eyes watched him as he leaned down from behind, taking up an old biscuit box before placing it on the table in front of him. Recognizing y/n’s writing, Polly looked up at her nephew, squinting her eyes at him.

“What is this Tommy?” Polly asked, tears filling her eyes. “Before y/n died she told us under the bed. Now I didn’t think much of it until last night. And I found this.” Tommy tapped the box, “Ada, get Finn.” “What is it Tommy?” John asked, eyeing the box carefully.

Tommy waited until Ada came back in with Finn behind her. The youngest Shelby looked around before sitting on the ground by Arthurs feet, who tapped his head in comfort as the young boy stared at the box on the table. Breathing in deeply, Tommy opened the lid, before taking out some papers that were inside.

“Y/n always loved drawing, even when she got sick she used all her energy to dray. I never knew why until now. She made each of us a picture, with a little something on the back of  each.” Tommy explained, moving to hand out each of his siblings and Polly a sheet of paper. “Her last gift to us.” John stated, and he hung his head, not sure how to react. “Something to remember her by.” Tommy nodded, before taking a seat by the fire once again. “She was always such a thoughtful kid.” Ada spoke fondly. “Y/n you angel.” Polly smiled, looking down at the picture in her hand. “Some people make the world special, just by being in it.” Arthur read from the back. “Describes y/n to a T.” Arthurs wife spoke with a smile, placing a hand on her husbands back. “She was special.” Finn spoke tearfully, and Arthur rubbed his head gently. “Marry Christmas y/n.” Polly whispered, bringing the picture of an angel close to her. “Our angel in the sky.” Ada smiled sorrowfully, looking down at her own angel picture.

Christmas 2024 masterlist

Never threaten the Shelby sister 2/2

Info: Tommy never believed his sister when she said she was threatened by his enemies, but when injuries happen, Tommy is quick to make sure y/n knows how much he cares.

Relationship: Tommy Shelby x sister

Part 1

The situation kept replaying in Tommy’s mind. Shooting the man, running to y/n, seeing his sister surrounded by her own blood and Michal leaning over her, begging her to stay with him as he held pressure to the wound, his arm bleeding from the shoulder. Tommy remembered shouting for someone to grab a doctor, and two men running out with a gurney, transferring his sister on it before rushing into the hospital. He remembered trying to get by them to be with his sister while nurses held him back, telling him to sit down and wait till the doctor came out.

Michal managed to get away with a few stitches, and a telling off from Polly about being so careless to try and take down two men when he was on his own. Y/n however, had fared out with serious injuries, and Tommy couldn’t help but blame himself. If he had of believed her than she probably wouldn’t be in this situation. She wouldn’t be lying in the hospital bed with Tommy holding her hand, her family coming in and out to see if there was any change. She was the one who took care of the patients who came an went, she wasn’t meant to be one. Instead, she lay on the bed while Tommy kept his head down, a grip on her hand, refusing to leave her side.

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“Any change.” Tommy looked up to see his aunt Pol standing at the door.

“No, nothing.” Tommy spoke, dropping his head to look at y/n.

“What did the doctor say?” She asked, moving into the room, and Tommy seen Michal following behind, winching as he jolted his arm as he sat down.

“They managed to get the bullet out but there was a ruptured vessel. They managed to stop it so it’s just a waiting game.” Tommy explained, rubbing y/n’s knuckles with his thumb.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t save her.” Michal spoke up, and Polly shook her head as she looked at her son.

“Don’t blame yourself pet, it wasn’t your fault.” She smiled before turning to Tommy, “It was your idiotic cousins’ fault.”

Tommy looked at Pol to see her piercing glare.

“Yeah, I get it, I messed up, is that what you want to fucking hear?” Tommy snapped, not liking his aunt at him when he knew he had messed up.

“Yeah Tommy, it is. You need to realize that if it wasn’t for you y/n probably wouldn’t be in this situation. This could have been prevented if you had just listened to her. But no, you had to be so high on your horse to believe her didn’t you.” Polly snapped at her nephew, and Michal looked away, not sure where to look. “Who was he anyway?”

“Doesn’t matter, he’s sorted. Won’t get near her again.” Tommy spoke, looking down at y/n and kissing her hand as he ran a finger down her face.

After an hour or so, Polly and Michal left with Polly promising she’d be around tomorrow, and warned Tommy to call if anything changed. Arthur and John had came by and said that they would be outside the door if Tommy needed them, stating that she needed all the protection she could get after the events of the evening, and Tommy agreed, saying that when y/n came through, he would be sure that a peaky blinder was around her 24/7, whether she liked it or not. He wasn’t going to let anything happen to her again. He realized just how much leverage his enemies would have over him if they got to y/n. She was his light, and Tommy knew that she was his everything.

That night Tommy refused to sleep. He spent the night sitting in the seat beside y/n’s bed, leaning back and staring into space. Grace had came by to try get him to come home, Charles had been wondering where his daddy was, but Tommy refused, stating that his sister needed him. This lead to an argument between the two, with Grace furious that he would choose his sister over her soon, but Tommy took no mind as his priorities lay with his sister. She was injured because of an error he made, and he wasn’t going to leave until he knew that she was okay.

It wasn’t until the early hours of the morning when an improvement to y/n’s condition was made. Tommy was knocked out of his thoughts by a slight movement of the hand he had never let go of since he was let into see y/n. Looking down, he could see y/n’s finger moving ever so slightly that he thought that it was his sleep deprived state that was making him feel it. But when he looked up at y/n and seen her head move to the side he knew he wasn’t hallucinating what he wanted to happen, it was in fact happening. In his desire to get y/n to waken up some more, Tommy stood up and leaned over his sister, placing a hand on the top of her head as he brushed back some lose hairs.

Y/n hummed as she felt the cool water hit the back of her throat. Licking her lips, she moved her head away from the cup Tommy had at her lips and winched as she swallowed. Tommy brought his hand back to hers and rubbed it between both his hands as he watched her try to open her eyes. Y/n struggled for a few minutes before finally opening her eyes, shutting them just as quick as she opened them when the light came to view. Blinking, she opened them once again, and Tommy came into her view, a slight smile on his face.

“Hmm, Tommy.” Y/n muttered dryly, smacking her lips together trying to get moisture to them as she kept her eyes closed with tiredness.

“Y/n, can you open your eyes love.” Tommy asked softly, rubbing his thumb around the palm of her hand.

“Water.” Y/n stated, though Tommy struggled to hear it with y/n’s dry throat.

“Here you go.” Tommy stated, quickly moving to the side of the room and filling a small cup with water, bringing it to her lips so she could drink.

Y/n indicated weakly with her hand for Tommy to come towards her and Tommy looked at her before sighing and moving back beside her bed. He took her hand once again and y/n smiled, squeezing it.

“Hey you.” He spoke gently, and y/n smiled slightly.

“Hey.” Y/n replied, moving to get up but gave up upon feeling pain.

"How you feeling love?"

"Like I've been hit by a bullet?" She joked, smile fading as she watched her brothers reaction.

"Y/n I'm so sorry for not believing you when you told me some guy threatened you. I should of trusted you and went to deal with him as soon as you said. But I didn't, and now look where you are." Tommy stated, throwing his hands up in frustration.

"Tommy, it's okay." Y/n tried to calm him down.

"No, it's not. And don't play it down like it is. You could of died y/n, and that would of been for my stupidness." Tommy said, standing up forcibly.

"Yeah, and I was beyond hurt that you didn't believe me. But you saved me from a worse faith Tommy. You got him and got help before it was too late. You may not see it but if it wasn't for you turning up when you did I would be very dead right now." Y/n explained to Tommy, and he looked at her with unease. "Come here."

" I thought you'd hate me." Tommy spoke in a small voice, one y/n hadn't heard in a long time.

"We make mistakes Tommy, and we learn from them. Be glad nothing terrible happened, don't overthink what you could of done. I'm here, and I'll hold it against you, but I could never hate you. That's not in my blood. Besides, the rest of the family hate you enough for me." Y/n stated, smiling slightly to ease Tommy's worry. "I love you Tommy, that will never change."

"I love you too." Tommy smiled, kissing y/n's hand, "and from now on someone will be with you at all times."

"Course they will." Y/n muttered before smiling at Tommy, knowing it would make him feel better.

Never threaten with the Shelby sister (1/2)

Info: Tommy Shelby never believed y/n when she said a guy had threatened her life for something her brother did, but she realizes the truth when it's too late.

Relationship: Tommy Shelby x sister

Masterlist

Y/n Shelby lived a completely different life to her brothers, when she finished school she went on to college and got a nurses degree and moved on to get an actual job instead of the gangsta life her brothers lived. Growing up y/n was always protected by her brothers, when they came home from the war Tommy did all he could to prevent his sister from seeing the life he had when he was abroad at war. He tried to keep her away from the life he and his brothers lived, but ultimately he couldn't prevent his enemies from knowing that he had younger siblings, and that his prized possesion was the baby of the group, Y/n Shelby. Everyone knew that y/n was the apple in Tommys eyes and that if they even came close to hurting her, they would pay. Though perhaps not everyone did, or some were more daring than the others.

Y/n finished up her shift and started making her way home from the hospital. Rooting through her bags fro the house keys she didn't realize that there was someone behind her until she was grabbed and pulled backwards into an alley way. Y/n tried to dig her heals into the ground to prevent her attacker from taking her when two men came and grabbed her from her attacker, pinning her to the wall and allowing her head to smack against the bricks. She groaned as her vision blurred before clearing, only to see a man come into vision.

"Ahh the young shelby girl, guess th rumours are true when they say you've got the body that men crave." THe man taunted her, coming closer to her face.

"Who the hell are you?" Y/n demanded to know, also moving her head closer to the man only for him to push it back into the wall.

"You don't know me but your brother dure does. I believe his name is Tommy Shelby."

Y/n went to move her knee up to the mans crotch but the man seen her intention and grabbed her leg before she could move, and smirked as he placed it up around his waist.

"Now now, be nice, we just need you to bring Tommy boy a little message from us. Tell him that if he doesn't give back what is mine, his dearest sister will pay the price." The man spoke, bringing a hand up to grab y/ns chin, before moving her head to place a kiss to her cheek.

"Who are you?" Y/n asked again, her voice trembling a bit.

"Doesn't matter who I am, your brother will know when you pass on the message." The man spoke before nodding to the two men who had her pinned to the wall "Let her go."

Y/n gasped as the men pushed her away from the wall and onto the ground, winching upon impact. She glanced up at the men who attacked her as they laughed and left her there to gather herself up and head on home.

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Tommy Shelby sat at the kitchen table with a cigarette in his mouth and a glass of whiskey in his hand as he waited for his youngest sibling to come home. Usually, when he came home late at night, y/n would be in the kitchen waiting for him to get home and make sure he ate before leaving for bed. She would tell him about any troubles she had in her day of work and in turn he would tell her how well they got on with the gambling business that day. Some days he would walk her home from work and they would stop at the stables to see his horses, and y/n would get up on one and they’d go for a short run before heading home to Grace and Charles for dinner.

Today however, none of that happened. When Tommy went to surprise his sister outside the local hospital one of her colleagues told him that she had finished earlier today and had made her way home but when he got home the only people there were Grace and their son. Which is why he was now in his seat at the kitchen table awaiting the sound of the key in the door. But when one hour turned to two, Tommy grew worried and got up to go look for her. He had just grabbed his coat when he heard the front door open and y/n stepped through it, her work dress dirty and hair out of place.

Y/n sat at the kitchen table and placed her hands on her face, sighing in frustration as the tears  began to fall down her cheeks. She looked up at the pot that began to boil as her vision was clouded with tears, afraid for what would happen if Tommy didn’t soon believe her.

“Tommy.” Y/n spoke ,relieved to see him.

“Where the fuck have you been?” Tommy cursed at his sister, and y/n flinched at the harsh tone he used  at her.

“Tommy, let me explain.” y/n stated, hanging up her coat and heading towards the kitchen, Tommy following.

“Please do, why were you out this late. I went to walk you home from work only for one of the nurses you work with to tell me that you finished early today. So imagine my surprise when I got home to see that you weren’t here either. I was expecting the worst till you just strolled in as nothing happened.” Tommy raged to his sister as she filled the pot with water to boil for some tea.

“Oh a lot has happened trust me. This man…”

“Your seeing a man and he made you late is it? Well I want to see this man and…”

“Tommy no, it’s really nothing like that. This group of men attacked me and this man threatened me, told me to tell you that if you don’t give back what’s his than your dearest sister will pay the price.”

So it was a group of men now. I think your trying to cover for where you actually were.”

“No Tommy I’m not. I think this man was serious. Whatever you took from him he wants back.” Y/n stated, moving to lean against the table as she looked at her brother.

“And who was this man y/n? Who threatened your life if I don’t give back what’s his hmm?” Tommy asked, narrowing his eyes at y/n.

“I dunno, he said you’d know who he was when I told you.” Y/n shrugged her shoulders, looking at her brother with pleading eyes.

“Thomas, what’s going on?” Grace asked as she came down the stairs to the kitchen where Tommy stared at his sister.

“Nothing love, let’s head to bed.” Tommy stated, heading towards Grace and following her out of the kitchen.

“Tommy please, I really don’t think this guy is fooling around. He seemed dead serious of what will happen.” Y/n pleaded with her brother as she moved to the kitchen door.

“Right y/n, and I am dead serious, get rid of the man before I find out who your getting involved with.” Tommy stated, pointing a finger at his sister before heading upstairs with Grace.

“I’m not fooling around with anyone.” Y/n cried out but her cried fell on deaf ears.

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Three days later y/n was on getting ready for work. The last few days had been emotional to say the least. Tommy still refused to believe her and as a result, Grace had asked her to leave their house for to allow things to cool down as their conflict was starting to effect Charles. So y/n had returned back to Pollys home where she had consoled in her aunt about what was happening. Y/n feared for what could happen if Tommy soon didn’t believe her and Polly was running out of ways to comfort her youngest niece. Polly couldn’t believe that Tommy didn’t believe his sister, the same sister that stuck by his side at his worst.

Shouting bye to Polly and grabbing her lunch for the day, y/n began to make her way to work for the day. Polly had asked Michal to walk his cousin to work so the young man was trailing behind her to allow her some space. As they turned the corner to the hospital y/n can’t help but stop as she felt someone was watching her. She looked around to see if she could see anyone, and as Michal went to ask her what was wrong a shot was heard. Y/n and Michal ducked their heads as Michal ran towards y/n, trying to get her to safety. He pushed her onto the ground behind a car as a figure came into view.

Y/n looked to the left of the car to see another man from before coming towards them. She hit Michal’s arm to catch his attention as the man lifted his gun towards her.

“Y/n Shelby, I tried to warn you.” The man called out, taking a shot to the ground close to where the duo hid.

“I tried to tell him, he wouldn’t listen to me. Please, leave me be.” Y/n called out to the man with a shaky voice.

“Who is he?” Michal asked his cousin, seeing the look of fear present on her face.

“I dunno, someone Tommy crossed.” Y/n shrugged before flinching as a bullet went through the window above them.

The two covered their heads with their arms as glass showered them and Michal got out his gun.

“Since when do you have a gun?” Y/n whisper shouted at her younger cousin.

“Tommy gave it to me. Told me I was a Shelby so needed one for the family business.” Michal explained briefly as he peaked over the cars bonnet to see if he could see where the man was.

“Yeah, family business is great alright.” Y/n muttered, “Does aunt Pol know?”

“Yeah.” Michal spoke before taking a shot in the direction of the man.

All y/n could hear were bangs continuously going off. Pain encased her body as another shot was fired in her direction, hitting her in the stomach and she cried out, gaining the attention of her cousin. Michal glanced down at the girl his aunt told to protect when he felt something hit his shoulder. He groaned in pain and looked up to see the men fall to the ground as another bang was heard, and Michal turned his attention to his cousin as she struggled on the ground.

“Michal…” Y/n tried to get her cousins attention before a sharp pain was felt on her shoulder.

“What?” Michal asked before seeing the other man.

------

Thomas Shelby was a man of many things, and one things that was known was his ability to be stubborn. Never would you hear him apologize for his actions or admit if he was wrong. But this changed when it came to his youngest sibling. Y/n took out the best of him, so after their falling out and y/n leaving the manor, Tommy’s attitude became more rigid. No one was an exception to the hot worded conversations he gave, and his aunt was no exception.

And so, he did. Tommy stared at his aunt for a few minutes before sighing in frustration and grabbing his coat, putting on his cap as he left. Hands in his pockets, Tommy strolled along the back alley towards the hospital where y/n work. But the sight he seen wasn’t one he expected. One-minute he seen y/n and Michal were walking towards the hospital, the nest gun shots were heard and the two were ducking their heads as they ran to a random car for cover. Tommy looked around and seen no one, but grabbed his gun as he moved closer to the scene. Two men came into his vision and his blood ran cold, realizing who it was. Glaring ahead of him, he raised his hand, shooting towards the men, wounding one on impact. Hearing a gasp, he recognized the voice as y/n and instantly ran closer to the other man, causing him to turn and look at the Shelby man who pointed the gun at him.

“Thomas Shelby, I am very disappointed in you. Disregarding your sister like that.”  Polly exclaimed to her nephew as she walked into the manor.

“If this is about y/n and her attitude than I don’t want to hear about it.” Tommy stated sharply, causing Polly to tut in disapproval.

“Oh you will listen to me Tommy, because you and I both know that y/n doesn’t easily become scared, and I have never seen her as scared as she has been since them men threatened her for your stupidity.”

“I’m sure she’s fine Pol, she’ll get over it.” Tommy rolled his head up before lighting his cigarette.

“Go to her Tommy, see for yourself.” Polly stated, staring hard at Tommy.

“Never threaten the Shelby sister.” Tommy stated before pulling the trigger, the man dropping to the ground.

Part 2

make it to Christmas 2/3

Info: Christmas for the Shelby clan were never special, but this year seems to be the worst as y/n the youngest has been diagnosed with the illness that takes many away, but y/n is adamant on giving the Shelby's something to remember her by.

Masterlist

Y/n lay in her bed, feeling tired yet energetic for the first time in weeks since her diagnoses. Many days she spent laying around, no energy for anything, barely able to eat anything substantial without throwing it back up. Her family were beyond worried for her and feared she wouldn't make it to the end of the year. They knew at this stage that their angel of light wouldn't recover from the deathly disease that took many, and they could only hope that she would see her favourite day of the year one last time.

Y/n herself knew that her days left were limited. At eleven years old she was a smart girl and knowing the results of her sickness being lethal, she wanted to make sure that her family would remember her, even when she was gone. She made it her mission to spend what little energy she had to find something for each family member, something that would cause them to remember the good times they had together. She wasn't aloud to leave her room unless she needed the bathroom, so all she had was what was in her room.

"How are you feeling today y/n?" Polly asked asked her niece as she walked into the isolated child's room with some soup. "Fine." The girl shrugged before looking up from her drawing to see the bowl in her aunts hand, "Soup again?" She groaned causing her aunt Pol to chuckle lightly. "Well nice to see your energy is back." The woman stated, even though she knew it was temporarily. "Can't I have something else for once?" The younger girl whined, moving her picture out of the way. "You know anytime you eat anything solid you get sick, this is only thing you can keep down." Her aunt replied before placing down the bowl on the bedside table and sitting beside the young girls feet as the girl slowly began to feed herself, hand shaking occasionally.

Polly watched her niece as she slowly fed herself, seeing the struggle she faced with each spoonful. The older woman sighed quietly, knowing the young girl didn't have much time left. Her little angel would be lucky to make it to Christmas, but she doubted it would be the new year. Pollys thoughts were disrupted when she heard coughing and looked up to see y/n slouched over, coughing up some soup. The young girls aunt tuts in comfort, taking the spoon out of her hand and replacing it with a tissue, which y/n placed to her mouth. Polly gasped as the tissue was brought back from the mouth to see blood on it. Y/n looked up horrified at the sight, wide eyes looking up at her aunt.

"It's okay." Polly comforted the girl, rubbing her arm gently before taking the half empty bowl and heading for the door, turning back to watch as the young girl rolled onto her side, falling asleep instantly. "Lord, watch over y/n as I pray she makes it till Christmas to enjoy her favourite holiday amen." Polly looked up before leaving the room.

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Tommy and Arthur sat at the kitchen table, smoking a cigarette each in silence. John stood against the kitchen stove, a glass of whisky in his hand. No one spoke, just sitting in silence until they heard sounds of footsteps walking down the stairs. The two smoking stubbed their cigarette when they seen their aunt come into view, eyeing her as she remained silent while she walked over to the sink with a bowl, cleaning it.

"How is she?" John asked, wanting to know how her youngest sister was. "Pol?" Tommy called out to his aunt when she didn't reply. "She coughed up blood today." Was all Pol stated, not looking up at her nephews as she finished drying and putting away. "Fuck." Arthur cursed, each Shelby brother knowing what that meant. "Is she asleep?" Tommy asked. "Yes, she tired herself after her coughing episode, barely ate even half of the soup I gave her, her appetite and energy is getting worse Tommy, I don't think she has long left." Polly stated, causing the Shelby boys to look down. "Don't say that Pol, y/n's a fighter." John stated in a broken voice. "John she's up there in that room day in day out, her energy is zero to none most days. You really think that's a good thing. She's withering away to nothing, which isn't a god thing." Pol spoke harshly, causing John to flinch, "Time to face it, we're not going to get our y/n back, we just need to make sure she's comfortable till her last." Pol stated softly, and all shelbys present nodded in agreement.

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That night Tommy made his way to y/n's room before heading to bed. Ever since she was little she always snuck in her older brothers room, and since she was sick and unable to, Tommy began to do it. He wanted to make sure that she knew he was there for her, even though majority of the time the young girl was asleep by the time he checked in on her. The second oldest moved closer to the youngest bed, despite the fact he knew that aunt Pol hated any of them being close to her incase they got the spanish flu, her reasoning being it was bad enough one of them had it without everyone else in the house getting it. He moved her hair back, feeling the heat she obtained from her fever. Looking away from her, Tommy seen a picture she drew and smiled slightly before looking back at his youngest sibling.

"You need to fight this y/n, we need you to last for your favourite holiday, it'll be the best one yet you'll see." Tommy spoke softly, kissing the girls head before moving towards the door

His movement was halted by the sound of abrupt coughing coming from behind him- his eyes widened as he heard chocking and turned around to see y/n sitting up, struggling to breath.

"Aunt Pol." He shouted loudly as he opened the bedroom door, before rushing back to help his sister.

Y/n continued to struggle to breath as Tommy reached her, and he moved behind her and helped her it up right, thumping her back gently to dislodge what was most likely phlegm stuck in her throat. He didn't look up as Polly came rushing into the room, her house coat thrown on in her rush to get to her nephews shouts. She gasps as she sees Tommy trying to help his sister with the phlegm, her eyes widening when the young girl finally does, thick green and bloody mucous flying out of her mouth followed by constant heaving. Tommy rubbed the young girls back as she got sick.

"This isn't good Tommy." Polly stated with sadness as she watched her niece lie in her brothers arms tiredly after her episode. "Call the family, tell them to drop everything and come home." Tommy stated as he rocked his sister gently as she fell back asleep. "She's not going to make it, is she Tommy." Polly asked in defeat. "We'd be lucky if she makes it to tomorrow." Tommy stated with a sigh, realizing how bad his sister was.

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The following day the family gathered as Polly requested, and were currently in y/n's room, all sitting around her bed, Tommy had stayed with y/n after her episode while Pol called the family and told them to come to the house. They all knew by the call that y/n wasn't going to make it as they hoped

Polly sat at the head of the bed, watching y/n's face as sweat formed in beads, rolling down the young girls face, Arthur and John leaned against the wall, heads down in defeat as they realized that their sister was going to die from the one thing they couldn't protect her from. Ada sat with Finn on her knee, hugging the young boy close, not believing all that was happening while Finn sniffled into her chest, crying of the soon to be loss of his twin sister. Tommy was still lying with y/n, having not moved from his place after helping her earlier in the night. The Shelby family sat in silence just watching over the youngest as she struggled to breath properly, the silence only being disrupted by coughing before y/n's eyes opened

"Hey , it's okay." Tommy soothed the young girl, rubbing her arm in comfort. "Tommy." The girl stated weakly, voice barely audible. "Yeah, it's me, how you feeling." Tommy asked, watching as y/n's eyes fluttered consistently. "Tired." Was all she got out before closing her eyes again. "Hey y/n, keep your eyes opened." John stated, wanting her sister to stay awake in fear of her not opening her eyes again. "Can't, so tired." Y/n stated, not able to fight the heaviness in her eyes. "Y/n sweetie, it's okay, you can rest now." Pol spoke, tears in her eyes as she spoke. "Under, bed." Y/n stated, "Love you." She stated before closing her eyes.

The Shelby family watched as the youngest eyes closed for the last time before listening to her breathing slow before it's non existent. Tommy brought a finger to y/ns neck to feel a pulse before shaking head in sorrow, putting it down when he couldn't find one. Finn started shouting for y/n causing Ada to pull him close to try and ease his hurt, tears in her own eyes as she allowed them to fall, Arthur punched the wall in anger before John had to force him out of the room, tears in both their eyes. Polly stared at her niece with glossy eyes, not believing she was truly gone. The Shelby family had lost their angel, and Christmas wasn't Christmas without her.

Make it to Christmas 1/3

Info: Christmas for the Shelby clan were never special, but this year seems t be the worst as y/n, the youngest, has been diagnosed with the illness that takes many away.

Set in season 1

Masterlist

All was quiet in the Shelby household, all were asleep bar Tommy who sat in his office working on some papers that were due. His thoughts were stalled as he hears movement around the halls upstairs and a door slamming against a wall before sounds of chocking, causing him to sigh and move to stand up, knowing who it was.

Y/n Shelby had been sick for the last five days, and it seemed to be getting progressively worse. For an eleven year old her energy had severely deteriorated and anything she ate always came back up, that was if she ate anything at all. She spent majority of her time in bed, sleeping most of the day.

Tommy sighs as he makes his way up the stairs to check on his sister. Arriving at the bathroom door he seen Polly sitting on her knees beside the young girl, holding her hair back and rubbing her back in comfort, muttering kind words as her youngest niece struggled to keep anything down. Hearing noise, Polly looked up to see Tommy standing in the doorway, who glanced at his oungest sibling before looking at Polly.

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“It’s been five days Pol, something ain’t right.” Tommy stated, not liking his sister being sick.

“I know that Thomas, hardly think this is normal.” Polly snapped at her nephew, worry get best of her.

“Pol.” Tommy warned, moving his head to y/n, saying not to stress her out.

“Tommy.” Y/n whined after she finished heaving, hearing her older brother and wanting his comfort.

“Hey there little angel, still not feeling great aye?” He asked, causing Polly to glare at him.

“I’m tired, and sore and icky. I don’t like it, I want it to end, I want to get better.” She whined as she coughed, bringing her hands up as an indication for Tommy to lift her.

“I can imagine that it isn’t pleasant, but you will get better. Why don’t you and aunt Pol go to the doctors today, he can give you something to make you feel better, how’s that for ya?” Tommy asked, picking up his sister despite Polly’s protests and grabbing a rag from the bathroom sink, wetting it and wiping her face gently with it.

“What’s the doctor going to do for her, she has the stomach bug that’s all. Nothing rest can’t fix.” Polly stated, not liking the idea of going to the doctor only to be told the girl needs rest.

“If it was a stomach bug I’m pretty sure it would’ve gone by now. Just bring her Polly, all they can say is that there isn’t anything wrong.” Tommy stated, allowing y/n to place her head on his shoulder, her eyes closing with tiredness once again.

“I swear Tommy she has you wrapped around her finger.” Polly stated wit ha shake of her head.

“Her health is important Polly, I thought you prioritized that.” Tommy stated before moving out of the bathroom and heading to put his sister down for bed once again, kissing her head before leaving.

"Lord, watch over y/n and I pray that she get's over this bug amen." Polly prayed before heading back to bed.

Next morning, y/n and Polly sat around the kitchen table, waiting for Tommy to return with the doctor. Y/n sat sluggish in her chair, appearing to be struggling to keep herself up right as she lay her head on her arms which were crossed on the table. In her hand was her Christmas teddy that she always had on her from the moment it hit December 1st, being the teddy that John had given her shortly after returning from the war.

Y/n loved Christmas, always had from the moment she understand what Christmas was about. She loved to decorate the house in the little amount of decorations the Shelby family had. The Shelby's were never really into doing Christmas, seeing it as another day, and if it wasn't for y/n they probably wouldn't even celebrate Christmas.

Polly looked away from her niece as the door was heard opening, and stands up when she sees Tommy walk in with the doctor behind him. Seeing her looking at him, Tommy nods at her before moving towards his sister, crouching beside her and placing a hand on her back to try wake her up a bit, only for her to whine, feeling discomfort from touch and moving away from her brother. Tommy frowning and looked at Polly, both knowing it was strange for the youngest Shelby to deny affection.

The doctor moves towards y/n who looks up in confusion, eyes beady due to tiredness. Seeing an unfamiliar face, she frowns and looks at Polly before moving hands, wanting to be picked up. Polly clicked her tongue in frustration, shaking her head in disapproval at her niece, causing y/n to whine again, not liking her aunt’s reluctance to pick her up

“Y/n the doctors here.” Polly stated, glancing at the doctor as he watched how the youngest Shelby reacted against her brothers contact.

“I’ll leave you too it.” Tommy stated ,clearing his throat and moving to his office, closing door tightly.

Y/n sighs before groaning in discomfort as she wiggled in her seat. The doctor took this as a sign that the young girl was ready and made his way over to her. Seeing y/n's eyes flutter with tiredness the man sighed kindly and began working quickly to prevent further discomfort for the girl. He checked her temperature, back of the throat, her walking abilities and a urine sample. At the end y/n was nearly falling asleep, causing the doctor to become concerned.

“Y/n, the doctor is here to look over you, will you be good for him and let him do his work.” Polly instructed to young girl, knowing this could go one of two ways.

“I want Tommy.” Y/n stated tiredly, her voice ruff after the severe coughing episode she had earlier.

“I’m sure Tommy will come back when it’s over, now come on, be a big girl now.” Polly stated with a bit of roughness, wanting this to be over with.

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“Does she always appear tired.” He asked Polly, who stood in the corner of the kitchen out of the way.

“Most days, especially after any vomiting episodes.” Polly stated, sounding as if she knew what it was her niece had.

“And her temperature, she appears to have a fever, how long has that been going on.”

“Around five days, she always gains a fever when she’s sick.”

“And you say she’s been vomiting for nearly a week?”

“Like I said doctor it’s just the stomach bug, all children get it. They lose their appetite, have aches and pains, get sick, rise a fever, and then it runs its course. Tommy’s worrying for nothing.”

“Actually Mister Shelby has every right to be worried. Because young y/n here doesn’t have the stomach bug. A stomach bug wouldn’t last as long as it has, at least not as severe. With her fever, redness of the throat likely caused by her abrupt coughing episodes and vomiting as well as the aches and pains you say she’s been complaining about, young y/n is suffering from more than just the stomach bug, or any common illness for that matter.” The doctor stated, pointing out all the symptoms.

“Well, what is it then?”

"I'm afraid young y/n Shelby here, has the Spanish flu." The doctor stated causing Polly to look at him in horror.

Each of the Shelby siblings didn't know what to say, their baby sister had caught the illness that majority of people died from if caught. Arthur stared ahead, not knowing what to think, John looked down, regretting the joke he made and feeling fear for his baby sister, Ada tried to hold back tears while Finn allowed the tears to fall, not wanting his twin to go. Tommy stood frozen, refusing to look at anyone as he tried to process the news his aunt just said. Y/n was the Shelby's little angel, from the moment she was born she was their light, the thing that helped the brothers when they returned from war. Without her it would become darkness.

“Polly, what’s going on, why did you call a family meeting?” Ada asked, watching her aunt in confusion as the woman paced around the floor, worry clear on her face.

After the doctor had diagnosed the youngest Shelby- he had warned Polly of the likelihood of her getting worse instead of better- though poor Polly knew this as not many people were known to survive around the town if they caught the lethal disease, with the majority of them dying weeks after their diagnoses- with how y/n’s little body was reacting to the disease it was likely to take it’s toll on the youngest Shelby’s body quickly, meaning she likely wouldn’t make it to the end of the year- hence why she was sent to bed before her siblings were called to hear the news.

“Right Pol, what is it? What’s so important that you had to call us all here aye?” Tommy asked, barging through the front door and stalking towards the kitchen table.

“I need everyone to keep a clear head and remain quiet as I tell you this alright. Y/n’s in bed and needs her rest.” Polly stated, not wanting to wake y/n up.

“Bloody hell Pol your talking as if someone’s dead.” John stated, shaking his head slightly at the dramatics of the situation.

“Pol, what is it? What did the doctor say?” Tommy asked, seeing the seriousness in Polly’s face.

“Y/n’s sick, really sick.” Polly started, looking at each Shelby sibling before continuing, “And I don’t want any of you to start worrying alright, because it won’t make it any easier.”

“Pol, what’s wrong with our y/n?” Arthur asked, not liking the way Polly was talking.

“Y/n has the Spanish flu. The doctor said with her symptoms it’s likely she’s been infected for a while.” Polly stated, waiting to hear the reaction.

“But she seemed fine last week.” Finn stated, looking at his aunt in confusion.

“The doctor said it will get worse, and there is a chance.” Polly stopped, wanting to get control of her emotions before continuing, “There is a chance that she may not survive this. Her bodies not able to keep up with it.” Polly looked down as silence fell around them.

Polly sighs, knowing the Shelby stubbornness was strong when it came to little y/n. She also knew that this would break the family, regardless of the outcome. And all Polly could do was pray, and hope, that y/n would at least make it to Christmas, her favorite time of year.

“Is she asleep?” Tommy asked, moving towards the stairs.

“Yes, and I don’t want anyone going into her. Don’t need anyone else catching it.” Polly stated forcibly, moving towards Tommy as he scoffed.

“You expect us to not be there for our sister when she’s ill, you clearly don’t know us Polly.” Tommy stated harshly.

“we’re not leaving her Pol, she needs us. And if she doesn’t make it we need her too.” Finn stated, sniffling from the tears.

Inocence taken (pt 2)

Info: Thomas Shelby has been the sole carer for his baby sister since he returned from the war, meaning that he has always been overly protective of her. At age 16, she tries to be more independent without the help of her brothers but when she gets attacked one night, she ends up pregnant and when her brother finds out, he doesn't realize that it wasn't by choice, and regrets it when Ada tells him the bad news.

Pairing: Tommy Shelby x sister, Shelby clan x sister.

Season: 1

Warnings: Mentions of rape, mentions of abortion.

Part 1

Y/n looked into the mirror as she stood up to get ready for the day. Her eyes were red rom the crying she had done last night, having spending the night with Ada instead of Tommy. After the fight neither party could look at each other in fear of what would be said if they met eye to eye. Sighing, y/n changed quickly before heading downstairs where Ada and Polly were sitting t the table. Seeing her younger sister, Ada smiled weakly as she moved forwards to her.

"Y/n sweetheart, wake up, we'll go before the boys get up." Pol spoke softly to her niece, rubbing her shoulder gently to wake her.

"Yeah ok." Y/n spoke tiredly, sitting up in her bed before watching her aunt leave before getting up.

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"You'll be okay." Ada spoke softly, rubbing her arms in comfort.

"We better go, the lads will be up soon, don't want questions on where were going." Polly spoke, moving towards her nieces and giving the youngest one her coat.

"Will it hurt." Y/n asked weakly.

"It'll be over quickly." Polly spoke, trying to comfort the girl, knowing the statistics of the women who lost their lives during the process due to blood loss.

"I love you." Ada smiled, trying to ease her younger sisters worries,

"I love you." Y/n smiled weakly before leaving with her aunt.

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Something Thomas Shelby had done since he returned from the war was looking after his baby sister, regardless of what happened the day before. So when he woke up the day after fighting with his sister, Tommy made his way to y/ns room to check on her. However, when he opened the door and didn't see the youngest Shelby sister, he panicked and went to check Polly's room, where y/n would regularly go after a fight with her closest brother. Not seeing either Shelby women, Tommy groaned in frustration before heading downstairs, expecting the glares of the two when he got to the kitchen.

However to his surprise, there was no sight of Polly or y/n when he got down there. In Polly's place was Ada, who was finishing up the breakfast and dishing it. Arthur was next to come down, immediately noticing the missing Shelby's.

Ada's eyes widened, not used to this version of Tommy. Everyone knew how protective he was of the youngest Shelby sister but never had he looked at a family member as if they were an enemy to him before. She sighed but told him, watching as he all but pulled the door off the hinges to get to his sister.

"Where's Polly and y/n?" Arthur asked in confusion as he sat at the table.

"Gone out. Finn, get down here for breakfast or starve." Ada replied before going to the end of the stairs to shout up at Finn.

"Gone out where?" Arthur pushed wanting to know more.

"Hopefully to sort out our whore of a sister." Tommy spoke, lighting a cigarette before inhaling some smoke.

"Jesus Crist, your such a fucking dickhead Tommy." Ada snapped, slamming her hands onto the kitchen table.

"I don't know what you mean Ada." Tommy shrugged, looking at his sister wit ha shake of his head.

"You say your there for y/n, but when she needs you most you leave her there as if she's fucking stale bread."

"She's the one who got pregnant Ada, not me." Thomas spoke, causing Arthur to look at him in shock.

"Oh my God you just don't get it do you Tommy, our sister was raped, she tried to tell you but you had ur head too far up your fecking arse, and now she's off getting a fucking procedure done that can be life threatening if gone wrong. She needed you Tommy, and you weren't there." Ada shouted, not realizing what she had said.

"Y/n was raped." Tommy asked quietly, in shock of what he had just been told. "

"Yeah Thomas she was, and unfortunately she became pregnant because of it." Ada said softly, looking down.

"Where'd Polly take her?" Tommy asked, frantically grabbing his coat and throwing it on.

"I don't think it's a good idea for you to go Tommy." Ada started

"Ada, listen to me. The one person that I live for and vowed to protect is gone for a procedure which can turn fatal without the appropriate care. I wasn't there to stop this from happening but I will not just sit here when I know where she is going. So Ada, where the fuck is she going?" Tommy spoke, moving towards his sister threateningly.

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Y/n sat quietly with Polly, shuffling her feet on the ground as they waited for the lady to call her in. Seeing her nieces fear, Polly grabbed the young girls hand, giving it a squeeze to bring Y/ns attention to her.

Y/n smiles at her aunt before turning to the door as it opens

"It'll be ok darling, it'll all be over soon." Polly tried to comfort her niece.

"I'm scared." Y/n whispers in fear.

"I know, but Your a Shelby y/n, and we Shelby's can get through anything."

Polly sighed and sat down, lighting a cigarette before staring at the wall ahead of her as she smoked it. She took a deep breath of worry as the silence surrounded her. That silence was short lived as she heard footsteps coming towards her, pulling her out of her thoughts. She sighed when she seen who it was, her nephew Tommy Shelby.

"Y/n Shelby?" The lady called out, peaking her head out the door.

Y/n looked at Polly in fear.

"It's alright love, I'll be out here when it's over then we can go home and forget about all this" Polly smiled in assurance, rubbing the girls arm before watching her niece follow after the woman who would do the procedure.

Tommy looked at his aunt to see the hard look on her face. He sighed and sat down on the seat closest to the door, pulling out a cigarette and placing it between his lips, rolling it before lighting it as he stared at the wall in front of him.

"Polly, where is she, where's y/n?" Tommy asked, stopping in front of her .

"You have some bloody nerve Tommy." Polly stated, ignoring his question.

"Polly, is she in there?" Tommy asked, pointing at the door his sister had entered minutes ago.

"You know Tommy I knew you were heartless, but I didn't think you would ever do something like that to your sister. She needed you and instead of letting her explain to you what happened you called her a whore. A fucking whore Tommy." Polly stated, standing up from her seat.

"I know Pol, I know, and I get it but I am here now, just please, don't start now, y/n needs us."

"You'll be lucky if she lets you near her after what you did Tommy" Polly spoke before their attention turned to the door as a scream was heard.

"Y/n.." Tommy spoke, going towards the door.

"You can't go in there Tommy." Polly spoke, moving in front of him, blocking his path.

"To hell I'm not after hearing her scream." Tommy spoke, determined to be there for his baby sister.

"It's part of the procedure, it's painful but only takes a matter of minutes." Polly explained, indicating for Tommy to sit down.

"Polly I swear to God if she......."

"Just sit the fuck down Tommy." Polly said with agitation.

Memories with y/n came back to him as he remembered her as a young girl, the laughs she made which caused everyone around her to smile. The times she snuck into his room as she knew it helped him with the nightmares and gave her the reassurance that he was there, alive. He shook his head in disbelief.

Tommy's head snapped up at the sound of the door opening. He stood up with Polly as the women stepped out, closing the door behind her before offering the Shelbys a small smile.

"How did we not realize, how did I not realize." He asked aloud, causing Polly to look at him.

"Don't do that Tommy, you can't do that to yourself." She stated with a shake of her head.

"She's my fucking sister Pol, and I didn't realize that she wasn't comfortable around men, I should of known something wasn't right the moment she wouldn't come near us, near me." He stated, throwing his hands up in frustration.

"We're hear now, and she will need you when this is all over. Only you can truly help her Tommy, God knows how close you two are, she looks up to you Tommy, she's been there for you when you needed her. Now it's your turn to be there for her." Polly spoke, watching as her nephew placed his head in his hands.

Polly turned to face her nephew as she sat down, taking a deep breath of relief as he brought his hands together and placed them under his chin. She smiled softly as she turned to the sound of the door, seeing y/n step out with a look of exhaustion.

"It's done, she'll be bleeding for a few days but that should clear up once everything's cleared out. She might be in pain and feel cramps but that's to be expected."

"Is she okay?" Tommy asked, wanting to know his sister was okay.

"She's tired but other then that. She'll be out to you in a minute, just getting herself sorted." The woman smiled before leaving them be.

True to his word, when they got back to the house, Tommy stayed with his sister as she went to her room to lie down. And as Tommy held his sister in his arms, caressing her back gently as she lay her head on his chest, he vowed that he would never let a man touch her like that without her consent.

"How you feeling sweetheart?" Polly asked, gaining the attention of Tommy.

"I just wanna go home Pol." y/n spoke, tears welling in her eyes as he voice wobbled.

"Then let's get you home." Tommy spoke up, causing y/n to face him in shock.

"What are you doing here?" She asked, scared he would have another go at her.

"Ada told me what happened, I had to come be with you when she told me where you had gone." Tommy spoke, cautisly moving closer, making sure not to scare her.

"I tried to stop him, I really did." Y/n tried to explain, tears beginning to fall.

"Hey, come here." Tommy spoke softly, pulling y/n into his arms, relief flooding him when she didn't pull away from him "I know you did, and I swear I will let nothing like this happen to you again okay." He promised, kissing her head in comfort.

"Okay." Y/n mumbled, not trusting her voice.

"now, let's get you home eh." Tommy smiled, pulling away and placing her in Polly's arms.

"Stay with me?" Y/n pleaded, looking at her brother with watery eyes "I will never leave you." Tommy nodded in agreement.

Innocence taken (1/2)

Info: Thomas Shelby has been the sole carer for his baby sister since he returned from the war, meaning that he has always been overly protective of her. At age 16, she tries to be more independent without the help of her brothers but when she gets attacked one night, she ends up pregnant and when her brother finds out, he doesn't realize that it wasn't by choice, and regrets it when Polly tells him the bad news.

Season: 1

Pairing: Tommy Shelby x sister reader, Shelby clan x sister reader

warnings: Mentions of rape

Part 2

The Garrison was practically empty as it neared closing time. Tommy Shelbys youngest sister y/n, laughed as she talked to Grace, cleaning up the counter. Grace placed some empty glasses on top of the bar counter as she cleaned up some of the tables that were empty. The two looked up when they heard the back room opening, seeing Tommy coming through. He nods at Grace before turning to his sister as she moved from behind the counter.

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"Y/n, let's go home." Tommy stated, heading to front door as he lit a cigarette he had placed in his mouth.

"I'm helping Grace close up tonight." Y/n stated, not looking at her brother as she wiped down a table.

"No your not." Tommy stated, turning to look at his sister.

" Yes I am." Y/n stated, looking up at her brother with an annoyed look.

"Y/n Shelby......."

"I'm not a kid Tommy, I'm capable of walking home on my own." Y/n stated, moving towards her brother in intimidation

"Your under my control until your eighteen y/n so I suggest you come with me or I swear I will fucking drag you home." Tommy threatened, moving closer to y/n as she took a step back

"Finns eleven and you let him walk around on his own. What's so different for me?" Y/n asked, crossing her arms.

Tommy looks at Grace who was stood behind the counter watching the Shelby siblings argue.

"Listen y/n, your a girl, who has little to no idea on how to protect herself. I just want you to be safe." Tommy sighed, stubbing his cigarette in a an ash tray before placing his hands on his sisters upper arms.

"Fuck that Thomas, I'm well capable of looking after myself." Y/n spoke confidently, shaking her head in disagreement.

"Mr. Shelby if I could, I think y/n is capable of walking home on her own, she's took care of drunk men in here on the daily. On her own may I add." Grace piped up from where she stood, causing Tommy to turn his gaze to the Irish woman with a glare.

"Tommy please, trust me." Y/n pleaded, placing a hand on his arm as he turned his gaze back to his sister

"Of course I trust you sweetheart, it's others I don't." He tried to explain, placing a hand on her cheek gently

"I promise to be careful." She smiled softly, causing Tommy to sigh and shake his head

"I want you back before midnight, any later and I won't let you do it again." Tommy stated reluctantly causing y/n to smile widely.

"Thanks Tommy." Y/n smiled, hugging him quickly before leaving to the back room.

"She's a good person." Grace stated, looking at Tommy as he stood still for a moment.

"It's those around us who aren't" Tommy stated, taking out a cigarette once again.

"She has you wrapped around her little finger." Grace spoke daringly, watching as Thomas glanced at her

"Ah." Thomas nodded, opening the door.

"Goodnight Mr. Shelby." Grace called back before silence consumed the pub floor.

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Y/n sighed and gave a yawn as she started walking towards her home from childhood. The streets were relatively quiet since majority of it's residents gone home for the night. Taking a turn y/n slowed down when she heard something. Looking behind her, she sees nothing so decides to keep going when suddenly, she's grabbed from the side. She tries to scream but a hand is placed over her mouth as she's pulled further into an alley way. Looking up at her attacker, her eyes widens when she sees the eyes of the drunk man who had grabbed her.

"Goodnight Grace." Y/n called out as she and Grace parted ways after locking up for the night.

"Night y/n, be safe walking home." Grace nodded to the young girl before leaving y/ns sight.

"Hey pretty girl, let's have some fun." He said before pushing her into the wall, forcing himself onto her as she tries to fight him.

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Tears in her eyes, y/n didn't say anything as the man fixed himself up and left her in the dark. Sniffing slightly, she placed a hand over her mouth to silence the sobs that left her body as she realized what happened.

Gaining composure, she slowly walked him, a look of terror as she kept looking around her. Her hair and clothes were all over the place as she held her shoulders, trying to keep the sleeve of her dress which ripped up for modesty.

Turning the corner to her childhood home, she groaned as she seen a glow of light in the sitting room when she opened the door. She froze when she seen it was Tommy, who had stayed awake to make sure she got home safe. Turning towards the stairs, she cringes as she hears her brother calling out to her, but ignores it as she heads to her room, closing the door.

Reaching the top of the stairs, Tommy knocks on his sisters door before opening it when he doesn't hear anything. Sighing in relief, he seen her lying on her bed with her back towards the door. Satisfied that she was home he nodded his head before leaving, closing the door behind him not knowing y/n was still awake with tears falling down her cheeks as she cried softly.

"Y/n?" Tommy called out, moving out to the hall in confusion when she doesn't answer him.

"Y/n" He tried again, moving to the bottom of the stairs and making his way up the stairs.

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Two weeks after the incident, y/n was still struggling with that night. Every little noise she heard caused her to jump and feel uneasy. She avoided walking in the dark as much as possible, going as far as taking the early shifts in the Garrison instead of the late ones. She avoided close contact with her brothers as much of possible, not evening sneaking into Tommy's room as she always did from a young age since the war, a tradition which eased both her and her brother that they were home and safe, instead opting to stick around Polly and Ada when she was home.

Arthur and Tommy sat at the kitchen table when she made her way done the stairs, yawning as she reached the bottom stairs. She froze when she seen the two boys sitting at the table before looking at Polly as she walked into the kitchen from the living room where Finn was.

Y/n smiled weakly and grabbed the piece of toast that was left on the table before nodding and leaving quickly. Tommy watched with squinted eyes as his youngest sister left the house before moving towards the window, watching her cross the road and head the direction of the Garrison.

"Morning love." Polly smiled at her as she turned off the stove which held the breakfast for the morning.

"Morning Pol." She smiled softly, hiding the nausea which started to come up at the smell of the bacon.

"Want some breakfast?" Her aunt asked as she plated the breakfast.

"Not hungry." Y/n replied, eyeing the plates Pol placed in front of Tommy and Arthur.

"Y/n sit done and eat some breakfast love, we haven't seen much of you lately." Tommy tried, moving the chair beside him out before patting it for her to sit.

"I have morning shifts in the Garrison so I better get going." Y/n stated as she grabbed her coat from the hanger.

"Take some toast at least." Polly chimed, grabbing a piece of toast from Tommy's plate and throwing it in the girls direction.

Tommy and y/n had always been close, both before and after the war. When the Shelby boys had told their family that they would be leaving to fight in the war, y/n, at the young age of 12 had burst into tears and clung onto her second oldest brother, refusing to let go causing Polly and Ada to forcibly pull her off him so Tommy could leave. Tommy was heart broken seeing his sister like that and when he had returned he decided to become the carer of his younger sister. The two always done things together so to have y/n not wanting to be near him or talk to him pained him. She was his light, the main reason for getting up everyday.

"Tommy something ain't right with her." Arthur stated, turning his attention to Tommy as he looked out the window.

"Pol has she said anything to you?" Tommy asked as she moved away from the window and took a puff from his cigarette.

"She's probably just not feeling well, you know how she gets when she's close to her time of the month." Polly stated, sitting at the table and grabbing a cigarette from the open packet on the table.

"No it's not that, she's never been one to be away from one of us, she craves some form of affection from us whenever were close by." Tommy explained, breathing out smoke with a shake of his head, "Now she tries to avoid us like were the fucking plaque." He continued, leaning on the back of a chair.

"I'll talk to her" Polly stated with a nod, knowing that even though he would never say, it was hurting Tommy that his sister didn't want to be near him.

"Come on Arthur, let's get John before we head to work." Tommy spoke, stubbing his cigarette butt and moving away from the table while he rolled his shoulders. "Let me know how y/n is Pol." He finished behind his shoulder before leaving the house, heading towards his car.

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Y/n sighed as she headed home from the garrison. Entering the house she rubbed her eyes in tiredness before heading towards the kitchen where Finn was sitting at the table. She smiled at her younger brother and ruffled his hair affectional when she passed him.

"Hey Finn." She smiled softly at him as she sat across from him.

"Hey y/n." The boy smiled back as Polly came in.

Y/n looked up to greet her aunt only to see a hard look on her face.

"Finn, go into the living room, I need to talk to your sister." She stated, pointing to the door.

Finn looked between his aunt and sister who nodded at him to do as he's told.

"And no eave dropping." Polly shouted at him as he closed the door.

--------------------------

"What's this about?" Y/n asked in confusion as Polly sat in front of her.

"I heard something, and I want to hear it from you, no lies, just the truth." Polly stated as she put her hands together in front of her.

"About what?" Y/n asked in clear confusion.

"Where were you today?" Polly asked, noticing as y/ns breathing hitched.

"At work."

"Not all day you weren't. Ada was at the garrison and said you left early, which isn't like you. So, where were you?"

"Pol, please." Y/n pleaded softly.

"Y/n where the hell were you?" Polly asked, her voice raising slightly.

"The doctors okay." Y/n snapped, throwing her arms out in front of her. "I went to the doctors." She finished quietly as she looked down.

"Why?"

"I don't see how that is any of your concern...."

"Y/n Shelby, your 16 years old, you don't go to something like the doctors unless me or Tommy know, so why were you at the doctors." Polly asked in a stern voice.

"I was late. I kept getting sick, I didn't know what to say so I went on my own." Y/n replied in weak voice, causing her aunts face to soften.

"Jesus Crist y/n, your not pregnant are you." Polly asked in shock, being proved right when y/n started crying.

"I don't know what to do, I didn't want it." She stated, shaking her head rapidly.

"You mean your were....." Polly asked, not able to finish the sentence.

"I couldn't stop it Pol, I tried but he was too strong, I couldn't." Y/n explained as sobs escaped her lips.

"Oh y/n, sweetheart." Polly rushed out of her seat and pulled y/n into a hug, petting her hair as she shook with her tears.

"I couldn't stop him Pol, I tried, I really tried." Y/n stated, pulling away slightly.

"Hey hey, none of this is your fault, okay, what that bastard did to you was not your fault so don't you dare blame yourself okay." Polly shushed the young girl, rubbing her arms when they pulled apart.

Y/n sniffed and wiped her eyes .

I don't know what to do Pol, I don't think I can be a mother." Y/n spoke with a shaky voice

"You don't have to be, I know someone who can help you alright. This can all go away." Polly soothed her youngest niece, tucking some hair behind y/ns ears.

"Do I have to tell Tommy?" y/n whimpered slightly

"No, no one will know. It will be like it never happened."

"But it did, it's stuck in my head like a record on replay."

"It will get better y/n, time will heal." Polly stated, not knowing that the youngest of the Shelby's had heard everything.

-------------------------

Tommy sat in the back room of the garrison, smoking a cigarette as he waited for Grace to bring him the drink he ordered. He looked up to the door when he heard the sound of frantic feet before the door slammed open, the youngest Shelby coming into view.

--------------------------------

"Finn, what is it?" Tommy asked, watching as his youngest brother fidgeted in his position.

"It's y/n." The younger boy spoke uneasy.

"What about her? Finn, what's wrong with our sister?" Tommy asked, placing a hand on Finn's shoulder to get him to look at him.

"She's, she's pregnant Tommy." Finn relayed, not remembering the vital information of how it happened.

"What the fuck did you just say?" Tommy asked, enraged about the new found information.

"Tommy your drink." Grace called out.

"Don't fucking need it." Tommy cursed abruptly at the bar maid before storming out of the bar, the locals watching him leave before looking at Finn who just ran out to follow his second oldest brother.

--------------------------------

Polly looked up from her position on the couch as she heard the door slam open. She placed a finger to her lips when she seen it was Tommy before caressing y/n's hair gently as she lay with her head in her aunts lap. Tommy sighed and moved in front of the two women.

"Y/n wake up, now." Tommy spoke as he shook his sister harshly.

"Tommy for fuck sake leave her alone." Polly told him as y/n opened her eyes with tiredness.

"Stay out of this Pol, y/n my office now." Tommy pointed to the women as he spoke to them.

"Jesus Christ Tommy can you just calm down and leave her be. What's this about?" Polly asked, holding y/n as she steadied her niece to a seating position, still half asleep.

Never you mind what this is about Pol, this is between me and y/n." Tommy stated, grabbing y/ns elbow and dragging her to his office.

Y/n stood at the door even after the door was slammed in her face before breaking down in tears. She leaned against the door and covered her face as she realized that her brother had called her a whore and really believed that she would just sleep around.

"Tommy, your hurting me." Y/n winched as she frantically tried to get him to let go of her.

"Sit down." He stated, ignoring her as she pushed her into his office and closing the door behind them before moving to his seat.

"What's going on?" Y/n asked, looking at her brother in nervousness.

"I heard something which I didn't like the sound of, and I'm hoping you can confirm that what I heard was a big misunderstanding." Tommy spoke as he lit a cigarette and placed it in his mouth.

"Well, what did you hear?" She asked shyly, moving uncomfortably in her seat.

"One of my sisters are pregnant, and I want to find out who the fucking guy was." He stated, leaning on his desk as he sat up. y/n looked up at him in fear. "Well y/n, who was it?"

"Tom..."

"Fucking answer me y/n, who was he?" Tom shouted causing y/n to flinch involuntarily

"It's not what you think?" Y/n tried to explain.

"Just tell me who it was y/n?"

"I don't know." She spoke, looking down in shame.

"You don't know. You fucking sleeping around y/n huh. You a fucking whore now eh?" Tommy screamed at his sister.

"No it's not like that." Y/n cried, looking up at her brother as he stood up and threw glass to the wall ,causing her to flinch.

"No? Cause the way I see it I have a 16 year old sister who's a fucking whore, and letting men take at advantage of her but didn't think of the possible outcome and is now fucking pregnant."

"Tommy please...." Y/n begged, not able to look at her brother in shame.

"Just get the fuck out of my sight y/n, I don't want to see you right now." Tommy stated, opening the door and grabbing y/n by the shoulder, pushing her out before slamming the door in her face.

"Y/n?" Polly asked cautisly, seeing her youngest niece in tears at her bothers office door.

"Can we go tomorrow Pol? I just want this nightmare to be over." Y/n pleaded as she looked up to her aunt, her eyes full of tears.

"Yeah, we can go tomorrow." Polly smiled softly at the young girl, wrapping an arm around her shoulders and rubbing her arm gently "Come on, let's make you a nice warm bath and then straight to bed, we have a busy day tomorrow."

"What's tomorrow?" Ada asked, coming into the hall, looking in confusion when she seen her sisters tears.

"Come help me with your sister Ada." Polly spoke as she helped y/n up the stairs "She needs you right now." Was all she said before leaving into the bathroom to start the bath.