Black Widow Fanfiction - Blog Posts

If I Could Start Again

Natasha Romanoff x Reader

Summary: Sometimes closure is all you need.

Warnings: Some angst

Word count: 1120

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kotenok part. twelve

while you and natasha share a moment of serenity with each other, it’s interrupted when you argue about the conflicts in your relationship.

older!natasha romanoff x younger!reader

kotenok masterlist

You wake with your head buried between her neck. Natasha smells like lavender, honey, and vanilla all at once. With her hair strewn across her pillow, crimson red locks, curled into little ringlets, they make way for the features on her face.

The way she scrunches herself nose in slumber, pink lips parted as she breathes, and the freckles say a quaint hello as the sun shines softly on the both of you.

It’s small.

The days like these where New York city isn’t in a cloud of pent up rain and thunder, the days where the sun is out to play, shows off for a daring sunset when it hits eight o’clock right on the dot.

The days where you get to wake up with the love of your life in your bedroom with your head buried in the crook of her neck.

You’re the first one to stir awake. Your limbs aching from prior activities from the night before. Only then, which to remind you of the purpling hickeys left on the skin of your inner thighs and thin parts of you neck.

A thumb rubs along the bruising colour on your leg, hissing when you realize it’s still fresh as a wound. You don’t mind it, it’s all what makes you owned by Natasha and you’re proud.

But as the chilly air of the AC hits you awake, you sit up against your body’s aching will and a yawn washes the sleep away.

Natasha is next to wake up. Her arm moving over to your side in instinct of searching for you. When she fails and feels your side empty, but warm, her eyes flutter open to find you staring at her with swollen eyes.

“Morning.” You beam at the older woman with a looped smile, which she returns in the process. But when the slumber in her slips away and Natasha leans her head against your back, you feel her warm breath fan against your skin.

Her arm circles against your tiny body and tugs you close against her front. The older woman has no trouble dragging you against her for the sole reason she overweights you in size.

When you melt against her front, feeling her mock your actions as she buries her face against your neck, your body loses all control in an effort to just feel your lover.

“Good morning, moya krasivaya devushka.” She whispers it like a nun in prayer, like you were the only thing she believed was worth worshiping.

And despite the language barrier, you welcomed her embrace and smiled through it all.

“I have no clue what that meant, but good morning to you too.” The redhead hums against your skin, her pale slender fingers drawing circles against the skin that protects your ribs.

She makes another noise of content, this time, pulling her head away to pepper open mouthed kisses on the paper thin skin of your pulse. You jerk slightly in response, but found pure and content comfort in her touch and hold.

The older woman held you like that, breathing in and out as her chest presses against yours. With the curve of your back pressed against her chest, her lips on your skin, gentle sayings were whispered along the way.

“I love you.” She tells you, and Natasha makes you feel it every day of your waking moment.

You smile in return, your head lulling back against her shoulder. The action makes the older woman pause and sigh. “I love you more.”

When you and Natasha finally find the energy to slip away from bed and enter the common room, the two of you are greeted by your friends. Steve is bright and awake, covered in his gym clothes, you have no doubt he just came back from running with Bucky.

Natasha has her hair in a braid, settled to one side, she dawns black leggings with a zip up hoodie that looks too small for her. You gave that to her, the grey hoodie from Lululemon that was a size too big for you, was then rewarded to your girlfriend when she said she was a size four while you were a zero.

She makes oatmeal for the both of you. Raisins in yours and she likes hers bland. Wanda enters the room, and when she does, awareness of her presence is inevitable. But she gently smiles when she sees the two of you.

Suddenly, it’s not all too bad.

When the two of you sit on the barstool next to each other, Natasha plans the day ahead.

You stand beside the older woman as she signs the receipt, with a big purchase like that, Natasha doesn’t even blink an eye at how the total exceeds two zeros.

You pursed your lips in tow, biting your tongue after to let the question from slipping from your lips. But just as Natasha finishes with the sales associate, the redhead looks up from heavy red lashes and stares with striking emerald eyes.

“What’s on your mind, darling?”

The sales associate disappears the moment the bag is in Natasha’s hand. She doesn’t bat another eye at the employee despite being well aware of his knowing look towards the famous Avenger.

It’s the first time Natasha calls you by such name in public and especially around people. As you stare into her gaze, the smile on her lips present and deepening the smile lines and wrinkles, you know it’s genuine.

You shake your head, smiling as you flush under her gaze. “Nothing. I love you.”

Her brows raise a bit. Her lips purse just as yours did, the only difference is that she’s forcing a smile away. Her pale cheeks are red now, you almost feel bad for making such a sensual woman blush within a simple advocation of admiration.

But she expresses back with a hand reaching out to yours. She squeezes your hand, and then she lets the grin rip all over her face.

Only then, you remember the very first time you’ve loved a girl. The brown headed girl, with the pale skin sprinkled with freckles, and her striking green eyes.

You don’t remember anyone else to love after her. She was only there for a brief moment in your life, a few years or so, sat on different sides of the steel bars, and only then, you remember what it is to feel in love.

You know, and you remember because as you stand there with a smiling Natasha Romanoff, you feel it in the bones that were once broken and bruised, now healed and kissed by none other.

She cocks her head this time, curious and concerned for the sudden silence on your end. And this time, she reaches out with a touch of comfort on the pads of her finger tips.

“You sure?”

You balance the weight of your body on your right feet, shoulders sagging as you blink naively at your lover.

“Did you see the smile Wanda gave us today?”

Natasha is the type to suppress her emotions. The type to have been trained to do so for her whole life. And with that training, comes a time of need. In this moment, you can’t read her.

Your shoulders sag and you purse you lips, waiting for her answer if if it were going to burn you.

“I did.”

“I’m glad.”

She raised a brow. “Are you?”

You nod this time, a small smile erupting on your chapped lips. “I am.” You sigh softly. “I think... Well, I hope, she’s opening up to the idea of my happiness with you.”

“I hope that’s her intentions.” Natasha stands taller now and the sales associate is long gone, had been since he handed her the bag. “You never know with Wanda.”

“She has been hurt, Talia.”

“As if you hadn’t been.” The redhead scoffs, almost offended. “Do not apologize on behalf of the woman who hurt you, darling. It only makes you look bad.”

You get angry with Natasha for a moment. Your heart aches with a hurt that you’ve haven’t felt.

“I’m not apologizing for her behalf.” You snap back accordingly and this time, Natasha stands to tower your small stature. “I’m merely sympathizing for her pain because I know what it had been like for someone important to me be taken away.”

You go on with a warm face and blurred vision. It makes Natasha look like a white blob with red hair.

“It’s not wrong to care, Natalia. It’s not wrong to care about people who have been hurt. And it’s definitely not wrong to care about someone like Wanda who’s experienced enough torment in their life. I am trying to be better than the people who have made me. But I am sorry if you cannot see that.”

“I’m not blind.”

You huff at your girlfriend’s words and for the very time, your throat aches at the idea of talking to Natasha about such a topic.

“I never said you were.”

“You implied it.”

You shake your head, attempting to remove the impending ache that spread across your temple and your front. You sigh when it doesn’t work and so, your shoulders sag in defeat.

“I’m ready to go home.”

And this time, Natasha doesn’t reply back. She doesn’t snap back with a comment, she doesn’t try to talk back to you with a tone that makes you want to step away.

Instead, she leads the way out of the store, then through the crowded floors of the mall, and then into the parking where a valet driver returns her car. You sit where you’ve always have, next to her, but as the silence settles in her Corvette, you realize how much the argument has affected her.

She even goes to grip the steering wheel with a hold that makes her knuckles white and she huffs. As she stares right ahead of her, through the glass and the line painted onto the concrete floor of the parking garage, she’s the first to break the silence.

“You’re right.” You blink up at her when she says the words and the anger you held for the older woman shatters with a crack. “I suppose I’m afraid of her hurting you the way other have done it. I just want you to be happy and I just want your life to be filled with people who do make you happy. Even if it means rejecting those who fit into mine.”

She goes on. “You’re right that it’s not wrong to care about people but I just want you to be careful about how you care for them. I’ve met the other end of the witch, darling, she’s just not all about the words she speaks. If she wanted, and that’s a big if, she could make you disappear.”

You swallow to speak but apparently, she had more to say. “Wanda... I never loved her. At least not in the way she wanted me to. We both craved something that we couldn’t fully give, I needed a distraction, she gave it, but she expected more and I didn’t. It’s hard enough loving someone who’s twenty years your junior and everyone is chastising you for it but doing it with a failed one night stand who seems to have fallen for you? I’d take you anywhere just to have peace with you.”

When the silence settled back in and she finishes, you reach for the love of your life’s hand with a touch so gentle, she would’ve never even felt it if you hadn’t slipped your fingers through hers.

“Wanda is someone we can’t force out of our lives.” Natasha knows that and you too. “But I want to keep loving you without fear or judgment of others. And if apologizing and catering to her will do that, I’d gladly take the opportunity.”

When Natasha turns her head and faces you, a pink shade to her cheeks, a frown blossoms on your lips.

“I never meant to chastise you for caring about people. I think it’s great that you do, but I worry and I just want you to live your life to the fullest. Wanda has no part in our relationship and I don’t think she should, regardless of what she used to mean to me.”

“I know. I know.” Your response to her apology is one that’s genuine. And as Natasha starts the car and backs out of the parking garage, you hold her hand and squeeze it. You turn to her with gentle eyes and an aching heart.

For a moment, she takes her eyes off the road, it’s empty anyways, Natasha has a sense of a bird, of an assassin. She’s always on guard. And for a second between that moment, her eyes shine with glimmer.

“I love you.”

Her hand squeezes yours, and the air runs through the locks of your hair as the windows come down. Your gaze never leaves your lover and you know, even now and even through the argument, you love her, no doubts, no hesitation, even through the worst of it all.

“And I’m sorry.”

You shake your head at your lover’s words. Despite it all, you know she means well, she means her words and her actions with all the love she has for you.

She’s willing to drop everything for a life of happiness with you and your heart aches at the thought of her selfishness, her willingness to just be with you.

You smile at Natasha when the car stops at a light, your features soft while she replicates your own.

“I know.”

There hasn’t been any certainty for a while in your life but as you look at the redhead, you know you’ll be alright.

Too Important

Natasha Romanoff x Fem!reader

Warnings: Mentions of sex, a little bit of angst if you squint hard enough, fluff.

Word count: 1.3k

A/N: This was a little hard for me to write but I poured my heart and soul into it so I hope everyone loves it. :)

You met Natasha in your first mission as a SHIELD agent. It felt surreal to say the least.

You looked up to her from the very first minute because she made every move, every ability and every skill look easier than it actually was. You'd pay attention to her every move, all in adoration.

She must've noticed it, because she started passing by you in the SHIELD corridors and immediately send a sweet smile your way.

You wished you were more like her.

You quickly became acquainted to each other. You were always training together, talking, laughing, her hand would would place itself on your biceps whenever you made a bad joke, you even went as far as thinking she was flirting with you.

She became more active at the compound, in the training room at the same time you were. She'd watch your every move in adoration just like you did to her.

She'd be up at 4am everyday, and you grew a habit of waking up as early as she did so you would have breakfast together because you didn't know when you would see each other again throughout the day.

Natasha felt appreciated, you were certainly not a morning person, but you'd make an effort just to see her, and she'd kiss your cheek with a small smile and begin her chores for the day, it almost felt like nothing could defeat her.

That was until you had looked at her SHIELD files at the first opportunity you had and you found out she had a story that led up to her becoming a Black Widow.

You ended up knowing more about her hard infancy, about her mother, about the Red Room, all about her missions... you became aware of what they had done to every widow to make them more efficient, making you red, you had fumed in anger.

And you thought that maybe the only thing that could actually defeat her was her own past.

Sometimes it was hard to notice it. her eyes never stopped glowing, but if you squinted hard enough, she would let you see the tiredness in them.

One day, the only time you saw her was late at night in the showers, right after she finished training. She was in her gym clothes, sweaty and hair all over the place, you still loved the sight. She stood quietly, head staring at the wall in front of her when she thought no one was there. Her eyes held a weary look, a sigh following behind.

You had wondered: what if things had turned out differently for her, what if she had had a partner, kids, a mom and a dad, what if she wasn't a avenger, what if she didn't wish so badly to wipe the red out of her ledger... who would she really be?

Just a few moments went by and her eyes soon followed yours, her spy sense never faltering. Her look went from weary to hard at the sight of someone there, quickly realizing it was you, she dropped the façade and gave you a small smile telling you to come in. 'Hey... what're you up to?'

'Oh nothing, I was passing by and I saw you... you okay?' Worried was evident in your tone and in your eyes too. Her smile faltering just a bit and coming back just as quickly, you would've never noticed it if you weren't a spy.

'Yeah, I'm alright, just a bit tired' it was an obvious lie.

You had spent so much time with Natasha that lying to you was becoming a harder task to do, like her walls weren't as up, she was becoming more human around you and you loved it.

You placed your arms on top of her shoulders and brought her in for a hug, gently placing a sweet kiss on her forehead.

Stunned, she took a minute to hug you back, but once she did, she squeezed you in her arms and pressed a kiss to you neck making you shiver.

'Well, I'm glad everything's okay. I just worried. You're too important.'

You let her go and the look she gave you made you believe she didn't really think she was important. It was almost a melancholic sight. Eyes seemingly off in an unknown insecurity you had never seen in anyone before. You felt the need to bring her back to your arms but you held back.

She nodded and looked at you then. Kissed you on the cheek and went back to the showers taking her clothes off, a small gasp coming from you and a smirk in her lips, eyes still prominent on you as she undressed.

You were never prepared to see her naked, not when just in previous minutes her eyes held a saddest gaze you've ever seen. But she had a naughty smirk on her face and you wondered if what she was doing was one of her many Black Widow moves.

But you forgot all about it when she placed her plump limps on yours. She didn't particularly taste like anything but her mouth screamed neediness and want, even more when she placed you gently against the wall and made you touch her nude breasts that were displayed for you and you only.

It made you feel things, you knew your panties were a mess, and deep down you knew it was wrong; she was deflecting her insecurities and sadness on what she was doing to you, but all you could think about was her hands all over the place... when she lifted her leg up and placed it on your waist... how it felt when you knee came in direct contact with her womanhood, when you realized how wet she was and how turned on you were.

You made her come thrice then, before showering together and finally parting ways to your respective rooms after a chaste kiss. You knew you wanted to be with her and she knew that too. Was it a Black Widow move?

She became distant after that, much to your dismay. You had noticed the subtle bags under her eyes whenever she was up for breakfast, but you weren't brave enough to ask her what had happened, you didn't want to come off as selfish, to think that the reason she looked smaller was just because of you. Maybe life had gotten in the way, so you gave her space.

Maybe that had been the wrong move; you found out later through a co-worker that Natasha had been having a fling with another agent, someone who took her for granted and bragged to all of his friends that he had been with the "hottest, dirtiest chick in the game". It had brought tears to your eyes once you heard it but you never let them fall. You felt betrayed, thinking you and Natasha had something special. You realized all along it was only one of her Black Widow moves.

You didn't know how to approach her, how sad she looked having dinner by herself one night, you felt bad, you thought that it wasn't her fault if she had lead you on, maybe it had never been her intention.

She looked at you, tears in her eyes, but she did the opposite of what you did, she let them fall. She had been broken a long time ago, before becoming an avenger. She had been broken at birth.

She looked younger with a pout between her lips and a frown, 'Am I still too important to you?'

You sighed and this time you didn't hold back from bringing her into your arms. You had whispered she was more important than anything you've ever had. She had sobbed on your shoulder saying she was sorry.

'What are you sorry for?'

'I was scared. I never had someone care so much for me, please tell me you still do' voice as small as an ant, head now cuddled into your neck.

'I do' her arms grasped your waist tigher.

You were wrong, it has never only been a Black Widow move, Natasha Romanoff had you and you had her too.