Im Sorry For The Person I'll Become When I See Spider Punk On The Screen.

yeah, I'm not the same anymore

im sorry for the person I'll become when I see Spider Punk on the screen.

Play for me

Summary: After Ellie lost her fingers she longed to play the guitar again, so you played for her.

Contents: talk of Joel's death, PTSD mention, brief David mention, angst, comfort

It had been a long journey of healing for Ellie since Joel's passing. It changed her in a way nothing else had before, not even David.

She thought that avenging Joel would make her stop hurting, stop being haunted by him. But of course, it didn't. Abby had taken two of Ellie's fingers. At the time Ellie didn't see the significance, but when she finally came home and picked up the old guitar, the realization hit her. And it hit her hard.

The one thing left she had of Joel, was gone. She could no longer replicate the song he had played for her all those years ago, the small sliver of him was now inaccessible. It broke her even more.

Ellie often woke up screaming and thrashing next to you. Yelling and crying as she tried desperately to escape the memory that plagued her dreams. You would sit up, back against the beds headboard and watch, feeling truly and utterly helpless.

Touching Ellie made it worse, her mind associating it with being restraint just like she was that day. You did that once, tried to wrap her in your arms, whisper sweet words of comfort in her ear to calm her down. But Ellie would fight against you, her arms would flail and end up injuring you. If you were honest, you didn't care about her hurting you, but Ellie did. She would cry and beg for your forgiveness, even if it had already been granted.

It was a random Tuesday night when Ellie began screaming in her sleep again, fighting the blankets until she eventually awoke from her nightmare. The day before, you had been changing the strings on your old guitar at the desk in the corner of the room, and when you turned the bedside lamp on to make sure Ellie didn't hurt herself in her episode an idea came into your mind.

You got up and retrieved the old golden brown guitar, clad in new strings and freshly tuned. The mattress dipped when you sat back down, the instrument laying in your lap. Your fingers began plucking the strings like second nature, hand moving up and down the guitars neck in various positions creating new chords and harbouring different sounds from it.

You noticed after about ten seconds, Ellie's sobs turned to sniffles, her breath was still quick but she seemed to be managing it back into a normal temp. She leaned over to the nightstand, pulling a tissue from it's box and wiping if the tears, sweat and snot that covered her face.

Her hands trembled as they began fidgeting out of habit, picking at old peeling skin and scabbed over cuts that littered her palms. She looked at you, with glazed over eyes and through wet eyelashes, as she bit her bottom lip to stop it from trembling as the song slowly came to a close.

Once your hands had strummed the last chord, you looked at Ellie, placing the guitar against the wall and grabbing Ellie's hand to stop her from reopening any injuries. "How are you baby?" You hummed, eyes full of concern.

"I'm better now... Will you uh- will you play for me again?"

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Guys I have never been so in love with my writing before. Thank you to the amazing anon who requested this 😭

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NOT PROOFREAD

"give Sarah my love"

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!

UJSQ0ALXUAUSJIASH8AHSISJQKSND

joel when he knows ellie is safe: *actively dying / has not moved or spoken in days*

joel when he knows ellie is in danger: *wakes himself out of a feverish dream state, stands up for the first time since getting stabbed, strangles a man with his bare hands in a sudden burst of strength, ambushes another, duct tapes a guy to a chair and tortures him, murders them for being involved in taking ellie, walks miles in the cold to find her, all while carrying her backpack bc he knows her belongings are important to her, “its ok babygirl”* 

eren in the new episode was so

the way joel tries to lift his hand off the ground for ellie despite being half dead. the way ellie hugs his lifeless body after he's gone. like this is 100x worse than i thought it would be

he's so perfect

his crazy ass is so pretty

spot the difference

I had to walk out of that cinema with half of my heart left behind because of the "to be continued"

what am I supposed to do without the next part.

An actual representation of me waiting for the new episode: